Clerambault: The Story of an Independent Spirit During the WarRolland, Romain
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Clerambault: The Story of an Independent Spirit During the War
Rolland, Romain
World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
It is not given to every man to be alone; many groan under it, but
with a secret pride. It is the complaint of the ages; and proves,
without those who complain being aware of it, that solitude has not
marked them for her own; that they are not her familiars. They have
passed the outer door, and are cooling their heels in the vestibule;
but they have not had patience to wait their turn to go in, or else
their recriminations have kept them at a distance.
No one can penetrate to the heart of friendly solitude unless they
have the gift of God's grace, or have gained the benefit of trials
bravely accepted. Outside the door you must leave the dust of the
road, the harsh voices and mean thoughts of the world, egotism,
vanity, miserable rebellions against disappointments in love or
ambition.--It must be that, like the pure Orphic shades whose golden
tablets have transmitted to us their dying voices, "_The soul flees
from the circle of pain_" and presents itself alone and bare "_to the
chill fountain which flows from the lake of Memory_."
This is the miracle of the resurrection; he who has cast off his
mortal coil and thinks that he has lost everything, finds that he is
only just entering on his true life. Not only are others as well as
himself restored to him, but he sees that up to now he has never
really possessed them. Outside in the throng, how can he see over the
heads of those who press about him? And it is not possible for him to
look long into the eyes of those who influence him, even though they
are his dearest, for they are pressed too close against him. There
is no time; no perspective. We feel only that our bodies are crushed
together, closely entwined by our common destiny, and tossed on the
muddy torrent of multitudinous existence. Clerambault felt that he
had not seen his son in any real sense until after his death; and the
brief hour in which he and Rosine had recognised each other was one in
which the bonds of a baleful delusion had been broken by the force of
suffering.
Now that by means of successive eliminations, he had arrived at
solitude, he felt withdrawn from the passions of the living, but they
stood out all the more to him in a kind of lucid intimacy. All, not
only his wife and children, but the millions of beings whom he had
thought to embrace in an oratorical affection; they all painted
themselves on the dark background. On the sombre river of destiny
which sweeps humanity away, and which he had confounded with it,
appeared millions of struggling living fragments--men; and each had
his own personality, each was a whole world of joy and sorrow, dreams
and efforts and each was I. I bend over him and it is myself I see;
"I," say the eyes, and the heart repeats "I." My brothers, at last I
understand you, for your faults are also mine, even to the fury with
which you pursue me; I recognise that also, for it is once more I.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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