D.--It does not encourage familiarity. Paralysis of the thoracic duct enables the patient to accept as many invitations to dinner as he can secure, without danger of spoiling his appetite. F.--But how long does his appetite last? D.--That depends. Always a trifle longer than he does. F.--The portion that survives him--? D.--Goes to swell the Mighty Gastric Passion which lurks darkly Outside, yawning to swallow up material creation! F.--Pitch it a biscuit. * * * * * FOOL.--You attend a patient. He gets well. Good! How do you tell whether his recovery is because of your treatment or in spite of it? DOCTOR.--I never do tell. F.--I mean how do you know? D.--I take the opinion of a person interested in the question: I ask a fool. F.--How does the patient know? D.--The fool asks me. F.--Amiable instructor! How shall I reward thee? D.--Eat a cucumber cut up in shilling claret. * * * * * DOCTOR.--The relation between a patient and his disease is the same as that which obtains between the two wooden weather-prophets of a Dutch clock. When the disease goes off, the patient goes on; when the disease goes on, the patient goes off. FOOL.--A pauper conceit. Their relations, then, are not of the most cordial character. D.--One's relations--except the poorer sort--seldom are. F.--My tympanum is smitten with pleasant peltings of wisdom! I 'll lay you ten to one you cannot tell me the present condition of your last patient. D.--Done! F.--You have won the wager. FOOL.--I once read the report of an actual conversation upon a scientific subject between a fool and a physician. DOCTOR.--Indeed! That sort of conversation commonly takes place between fools only. F.--The reporter had chosen to confound orthography: he spelt fool "phool," and physician "fysician." What the fool said was, therefore, preceded by "PH;" the remarks of the physician were indicated by the letter "F." D.--This must have been very confusing. F.--It was. But no one discovered that any liberties had been taken with orthography. D.--You tumour! * * * * * FOOL.--Suppose you had amongst your menials an ailing oyster? DOCTOR.--Oysters do not ail. F.--I have heard that the pearl is the result of a disease. D.--Whether a functional derangement producing a valuable gem can be properly termed, or treated as, a disease, is open to honest doubt. F.--Then in the case supposed you would not favour excision of the abnormal part? D.--Yes; I would remove the oyster. F.--But if the pearl were growing very rapidly this operation would not be immediately advisable. D.--That would depend upon the symptomatic diagnosis. F.--Beast! Give me air! * * * * * DOCTOR.--I have been thinking-- FOOL.--(Liar!) D.--That you "come out" rather well for a fool. Can it be that I have been entertaining an angel unawares?