England -- Fiction; Gay men -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Paranormal fiction
“I can tell you what happened,” he said. “Just at the moment when evil
and defiance were mounting in a blaze of triumph in his soul, he saw
God. There is nothing else that can account for it. If he had seen Satan
himself, would the terror that smote soul and body asunder have come to
him? He might have fallen in a trance of adoration, but what cause would
there have been for terror? There was cause only for ecstasy. But was
that ecstasy which you and I saw on his face? I tell you it was the
despair of final defeat. He was at the mercy of Him whom he had made his
enemy. As I raised my hands in consecration, God came.”
Was it the infection only of that mute panic in the priest’s eyes that
caused Colin’s heart to beat suddenly small and quick, and his hands to
grow cold?
“That occurred to me,” he said.
There was a moment’s silence. The clock ticked, and just outside the
window a thrush sang.
Colin made a violent effort with himself. He attacked his fear, driving
it before him.
“We’re rotten Satanists, you and I,” he said. “We ought to be ashamed of
ourselves. As I tell you, that idea did occur to me, but I was, without
knowing it, overwrought last night and excited. I, too, when I saw that
terror in his face, thought that the sight of God alone, merciful and
pitiful, could have caused it, and I thought so even more strongly when,
half an hour later, I looked at his face again, and saw it was quiet and
serene. But I needn’t go into that. What I intend to do now and for ever
from this moment, is to put that notion away.”
“It doesn’t matter if you put it away or not,” said the priest. “It is
true.”
Colin made that silent, effortless relaxation, that opening of his heart
to the power that he loved and served, which is the essence of prayer.
He had just to remain like that, till it began to tingle and throb
within him, till he was charged and brimming with it. Soon he spoke.
“Of course the ways of God are inscrutable,” he observed, “but I don’t
take the slightest interest in them. Of course He’ll win in the end
somehow--it’s such a score to be Omnipotent. But it isn’t the end yet.
I’m going to have a good long run for my money first. Besides, the
notion is quite illogical: it doesn’t hold water. You were the
principal culprit last night, weren’t you? Why, in the name of justice,
weren’t you bagged instead of Vincenzo?”
“I wish to God I had been,” said the priest.
“Now will you explain why?”
“Because I am in hell.”
“This pleasant room?” asked Colin.
The priest got up.
“Can’t you understand?” he said. “Vincenzo has been conquered: he has
made his submission. He saw the truth of what he denied and mocked: it
was made real to him, in some manner inscrutable to us. And if that was
the end of life, it was the end of hell also.”
“Oh, I thought hell was eternal,” said Colin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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