MRS. MAJOR. Oh, Fanny, such an event! I quite forgot to tell you that a person--I can't call him a gentleman--has been following me about everywhere in the most persevering, the most audacious manner, for the last month! FANNY. What a contrast to Augustus! MRS. MAJOR. And at last he has actually had the effrontery to write to me. A groom called just now with a letter, and was in the act of giving it to Mary, with strict injunctions to deliver it to me, and to me only, when my husband suddenly appeared and snatched the letter out of his hand. FANNY (_aside_). Something more for me to do! I shall never get my work done here! MRS. MAJOR. He must have read the letter by this time! Oh, what, what will he think of me? But here he comes! and what a dreadful temper he looks in! _Enter MAJOR hurriedly at C., looking very wild and agitated, a letter in his hand; comes forward._ MAJOR (_folding his arms and assuming a tragic attitude_). So, madam; I repeat "So, madam!" You may tremble at the sight of your hitherto too confiding but now indignant husband! MRS. MAJOR. But, Jeremiah dear-- MAJOR. Don't "Jeremiah dear" me! Are you aware, unhappy woman, that I might give you in charge to the police? No, I don't mean that--that I might insist on a separation? or call your ignoble accomplice out and shoot him?--which I _would_ do, if I were sure he wouldn't shoot _me!_ But no! I prefer to expose, to unmask you! _Enter MRS. PELICAN hastily at C., followed by DOCTOR_. MRS. P. What is all this disturbance about? What has happened? MAJOR. You've arrived just in time! I only wish the entire universe were assembled in this breakfast-room to hear me! MRS. MAJOR (_shrugging her shoulders_). Pshaw! they could only laugh at your absurd suspicions! MAJOR. Suspicions? Come, I like that, when I have the proofs--you hear, madam, the proofs of your misconduct!--this letter, madam! this letter! (_producing letter and flourishing it_). MRS. P. A letter! MAJOR. Yes! listen, and shudder! (_taking letter out of envelope, which he lets fall on stage, then reading in an impressive tone_). "Star of my life, idol of my heart!" That's pretty well to begin with! (_Reading again._) "Ever since the God of Love first presented you to my enraptured orbs!" (_Aside._) What does the fellow mean by "orbs?" (_Reading again._) "I have loved you"--point of admiration; here it is, there's no mistake about the point of admiration! (_showing letter to MRS. P. and DOCTOR_). But that's not all! (_Reads again._) "In order to bask in your divine presence, I am prepared to sweep every obstacle from my path." There's a sanguinary ruffian! Of course _I_'m one of the obstacles to be swept away! MRS. P. And how is the letter signed? MAJOR. There _is_ no signature! FANNY (_aside_). That's fortunate! (_picking up the envelope unseen and putting it in her pocket_). MAJOR (_to MRS. MAJOR_). Now, madam, what have you to say?