GENTLEMAN (_aside_). I see! an unhappy union!--an ill-assorted match--poor soul! (_Aloud._) Ah, madam, you are not the only one of your too confiding sex who have found marriage a bed of roses--I mean, of nettles, instead of one of nettles--I mean roses! LADY. But, sir--you mistake--alas, sir, I am a widow! GENTLEMAN. A widow? I'm delighted to hear it! No, I'm not! of course not! I deeply sympathize with you--as I always do with widows--I know what it is myself. But you mustn't give way--you'll get used to it in time--like the eels--no, not like the eels--but you were about to mention some adventure which happened to you while travelling with--the late lamented. (_Noise heard of train gradually stopping--engine, railway-bell, whistle, etc._) VOICE (_outside, gradually approaching_). "Slough! Slough! change for Windsor; all tickets ready." GENTLEMAN (_angrily_). All tickets ready! these railway companies are perfectly absurd, with their mania for examining tickets! (_feeling in his pocket_). LADY (_smiling_). Another advantage of the good old coaching days! GENTLEMAN. Yes, quite so! (_feeling again in his pockets, one after the other_). Ah! here it is--no, it isn't--how very odd; now I've got it--no, I haven't! (_diving in his pockets again_). LADY. I'm afraid you've lost your ticket, sir. GENTLEMAN. Oh no! I haven't _lost_ it--only I can't find it! LADY. You may have dropped it? (_looking about on floor_). GENTLEMAN. Pray don't trouble yourself; I shall be sure to find it--(_aside_) as soon as I've paid for another! (_Aloud._) I'll just speak to the station-master. Excuse me a moment? (_LADY bows, GENTLEMAN exit at C., and disappears towards L. H._) LADY. Poor fellow! no wonder he dislikes railways if he's in the habit of losing his ticket every time he travels! _GUARD appears at door C._ GUARD (_to LADY_). Ticket, please, ma'am? (_Takes ticket, and returns it to LADY._) Thank you, ma'am. (_Seeing the GENTLEMAN'S bag, etc., on seat._) These things belong to you, ma'am? LADY. Oh no! GUARD. Has any one left this carriage? LADY. Yes! a gentleman--not a minute ago. GUARD (_sulkily_). How can I examine people's tickets when they get out at every station? LADY. He fancies he has lost his ticket. GUARD (_suspiciously_). Lost his ticket?--what a pity! (_Aside._) That's an old dodge! (_Aloud._) Is the gentleman one of your party, ma'am? LADY. Oh dear no! only so far as we are journeying in the same compartment. GUARD (_examining the GENTLEMAN'S bag_). No name on his travelling-bag--that's queer! We're expected to keep both eyes open on this line, ma'am--only yesterday we nabbed a desperate bank forger at this very station; and we're on the lookout for an escaped convict to-day! LADY (_aside_). An escaped convict? that dreadful Mr. Burkshaw, no doubt? Not a very cheerful subject of conversation--I'm really getting quite nervous! (_collecting her packages and rising_). GUARD. Going to get out, ma'am?