Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century; Farces
GRITTY (_reading_). What's this? Can I believe my eyes? Young men of
good family--with handsome allowances--raising the wind in this
disreputable manner! It's disgraceful!--then to keep me in the
dark--it's petty! paltry! contemptible! (_walking up and down_).
SKRUFF (_following him_). That's what _I_ say! It's petty! paltry!
contemptible!
GRITTY (_suddenly turning and facing SKRUFF_). Look here, Skruff! if
you've no particular desire to be strangled, you'll hold your tongue!
I'll break off both engagements at once!
SKRUFF. That's right!
GRITTY. They shall neither of them dine here to-day!
SKRUFF. Right again!
GRITTY (_turning savagely on him and shouting_). Will you hold your
infernal tongue! (_Shouting._) Florence! Hetty!
_Enter FLORENCE and HETTY running from house--SALLY following._
FLOR. }
} (_together_). What's the matter, uncle?
HETTY. }
GRITTY. The matter, this! Florence, you'll give up Taunton! Hetty,
Mallingford no longer visits here!
FLOR. }
} (_together_). Oh, uncle!
HETTY. }
SKRUFF (_aside to FLORENCE_). Rely on me. _I'll_ never forsake you!
HETTY. But, uncle dear!
SKRUFF (_aside to her_). Never mind! _I_ won't give up.
HETTY. You forget that if we're not both married by the time I come of
age--
FLOR. We shall neither of us get the money!
GRITTY (_angrily_). The money may go to the deuce!
SKRUFF. No! don't say that, Gritty! (_Aside to him._) I'll take one of
'em! I don't care which! (_Aside._) What a pity I can't marry them
both! (_Bell rings; SALLY runs and opens gate; enter TAUNTON and
MALLINGFORD_).
GRITTY. Here they both are! Captain Taunton (_bowing distantly_). I
regret to inform you that the engagement between you and my niece is
broken off! To you, Mr. Mallingford, I can only repeat the same.
TAUNT. }
} (_astounded_). You surely must be joking, sir.
MALLING. }
SKRUFF (_aside_). Is he though! Stick to 'em, Gritty! stick to 'em!
TAUNT. (_to GRITTY_). We require to know your reasons, sir.
SKRUFF. Natural enough. By all means, Gritty. Give the gentlemen your
reasons, Gritty.
GRITTY. In a word, then, this gentleman (_pointing to SKRUFF_) informs
me--
SKRUFF (_shouting_). No such thing! I deny it! (_Aside to GRITTY._)
Don't go and drag me into it.
GRITTY (_handing letter to MALLINGFORD_). Do you know this letter,
sir?
MALLING. (_starting_). By all that's unfortunate, Taunton, my letter
to you!
TAUNT. About the one thousand pounds?
GRITTY. You confess it, then?
MALLING. One moment, sir! Knowing your objections to raising money on
bills, my friend Taunton and I would certainly rather you had not seen
this letter, but fortunately in this case no bill was necessary. You
do not appear to have read the whole of the contents. (_Opens letter,
and presenting it to GRITTY._) Please to turn over the page.
GRITTY (_turning over page of letter, and reading to himself_). What's
this? Holloa, Samuel, you never told me to turn over!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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