American wit and humor; Caricatures and cartoons -- United States; United States -- History -- Humor
In 1871 the damage done by the Alabama, a British-built ship, and
several other cruisers sent out partly to facilitate the cotton trade
and partly to do a little fighting when a Federal vessel came that way,
was assessed at fifteen million five hundred thousand dollars against
Great Britain by the arbitrators who met at Geneva, Switzerland, and the
northwestern boundary line between the United States and British America
was settled by arbitration, the Emperor of Germany acting as arbitrator
and deciding in favor of America.
This showed that people who have just wound up a big war have often
learned some valuable sense; not two billion dollars' worth, perhaps,
but some.
San Domingo was reported for sale, and a committee looked at it, priced
it, etc., but Congress decided not to buy it.
The Liberal Republican party, or that element of the original party
which was opposed to the administration, nominated Horace Greeley, of
New York, while the old party renominated General Grant for the term to
succeed himself. The latter was elected, and Mr. Greeley did not long
survive his defeat.
The Modoc Indians broke loose in the early part of Grant's second term,
and, leaping from their lava-beds early in the morning, Shacknasty Jim
and other unlaundried children of the forest raised merry future
punishment, and the government, always kind, always loving and sweet
toward the red brother, sent a peace commission with popcorn balls
and a gentle-voiced parson to tell Shacknasty James and Old
Stand-up-and-Sit-down that the white father at Washington loved them and
wanted them all to come and spend the summer at his house, and also that
by sin death came into the world, and that we were all primordial germs
at first, and that we should look up, not down, look out, not in, look
forward, not backward, and lend a hand.
[Illustration: PEACE COMMISSION POW-WOWING WITH THE MODOCS.]
It was at this moment that Early-to-Bed-and Early-to-Rise-Black Hawk and
Shacknasty James, thinking that this thing had gone far enough, killed
General Canby and wounded both Mr. Meacham and Rev. Dr. Thomas, who had
never had an unkind thought toward the Modocs in their lives.
The troops then allowed their ill temper to get the best of them, and
asked the Modocs if they meant anything personal by their action, and,
learning that they did, the soldiers did what with the proper authority
they would have done at first, bombarded the children of the forest and
mussed up their lava-beds so that they were glad to surrender.
In 1873 a panic occurred after the failure of Jay Cooke & Co., of
Philadelphia, and a money stringency followed, the Democrats attributing
it a good deal to the party in power, just as cheap Republicans twenty
years later charged the Democratic administration with this same thing.
Inconsistency of this kind keeps good men, like the writer, out of
politics, and turns their attention toward the contemplation of a better
land.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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