American wit and humor; Caricatures and cartoons -- United States; United States -- History -- Humor
Major Anderson was afraid to remain at Fort Moultrie in Charleston
Harbor, so crossed over to Fort Sumter. The South regarded this as
hostility, and the fort was watched to see if any one should attempt to
divide his lunch with the garrison, which it was declared would be
regarded as an act of defiance. The reader will see by this that a deaf
and dumb asylum in Northern Michigan was about the only safe place for a
peaceable man at that time.
President Lincoln found himself placed at the head of a looted
government on the sharp edge of a crisis that had not been properly
upholstered. The Buchanan cabinet had left little except a burglar's
tool or two here and there to mark its operations, and, with the aged
and infirm General Scott at the head of a little army, and no
encouragement except from the Abolitionists, many of whom had never seen
a colored man outside of a minstrel performance, the President stole
incog. into Washington, like a man who had agreed to lecture there.
Southern officers resigned daily from the army and navy to go home and
join the fortunes of their several States. Meantime, the Federal
government moved about like a baby elephant loaded with shot, while the
new Confederacy got men, money, arms, and munitions of war from every
conceivable point.
Finding that supplies were to be sent to Major Anderson, General Peter
G. T. Beauregard summoned Major Anderson to surrender. General
Beauregard, after the war, became one of the good, kind gentlemen who
annually stated over their signatures that they had examined the
Louisiana State Lottery and that there was no deception about it. The
Lottery felt grateful for this, and said that the general should never
want while it had a roof of its own.
Major Anderson had seventy men, while General Beauregard had seven
thousand. After a bombardment and a general fight of thirty-four hours,
the starved and suffocated garrison yielded to overwhelming numbers.
President Lincoln was not admired by a class of people in the North and
South who heard with horror that he had at one time worked for ten
dollars a month. They thought the President's salary too much for him,
and feared that he would buy watermelons with it. They also feared that
some day he might tell a funny story in the presence of Queen Victoria.
The snobocracy could hardly sleep nights for fear that Lincoln at a
state dinner might put sugar and cream in his cold consomme.
Jefferson Davis, it was said, knew more of etiquette in a minute than
Lincoln knew all his life.
The capture of Sumter united the North and unified the South. It made
"war Democrats"--_i.e._, Democrats who had voted against Lincoln--join
him in the prosecution of the war. More United States property was
cheerfully appropriated by the Confederacy, which showed that it was
alive and kicking from the very first minute it was born.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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