The last of the three which remains to be spoken of is he that is
invited by one man to another's feast. Now he that disdains and is so
much offended at the name of a shadow will appear to be afraid of a mere
shadow. But in this matter there is need of a great deal of caution,
for it is not creditable readily to go along with every one and to
everybody. But first you must consider who it is that invites; for if he
is not a very familiar friend, but a rich or great man, such who, as if
upon a stage, wants a large or splendid retinue, or such who thinks that
he puts a great obligation upon you and does you a great deal of honor
by this invitation, you must presently deny. But if he is your friend
and particular acquaintance, you must not yield upon the first motion:
but if there seems a necessity for some conversation which cannot be put
off till another time, or if he is lately come from a journey or designs
to go on one, and out of mere good-will and affection seems desirous of
your company, and doth not desire to carry a great many, or strangers,
but only some few friends along with him; or, besides all this, if he
designs to bring you thus invited acquainted with the principal inviter,
who is very worthy of your acquaintance, then consent and go. For as
to ill-humored persons, the more they seize and take hold of us like
thorns, we should endeavor to free ourselves from them or leap over them
the more. If he that invites is a civil and well-bred person, yet doth
not design to carry you to one of the same temper, you must refuse, lest
you should take poison in honey, that is, get the acquaintance of a bad
man by an honest friend. It is absurd to go to one you do not know, and
with whom you never had any familiarity, unless, as I said before, the
person be an extraordinary man, and, by a civil waiting, upon him at
another man's invitation, you design to begin an acquaintance with him.
And those friends you should chiefly go to as shadows, who would come to
you again in the same quality. To Philip the jester, indeed, he seemed
more ridiculous that came to a feast of his own accord than he that was
invited; but to well-bred and civil friends it is more obliging for men
of the same temper to come at the nick of time with other friends, when
uninvited and unexpected; at once pleasing both to those that invite and
those that entertain. But chiefly you must avoid going to rulers, rich
or great men, lest you incur the deserved censure of being impudent,
saucy, rude, and unseasonably ambitious.
QUESTION VII. WHETHER FLUTE-GIRLS ARE TO BE ALLOWED AT A FEAST?
DIOGENIANUS, A SOPHIST, PHILIP.
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