Any people which wishes to attain dignity and seriousness in its
collective life must resolve to cast aside compromise and insincerity,
and to look at all questions--even the vexed one of sex--squarely and
honestly. The person who would do this has first some prepossessions
to overcome: he must forget tradition long enough to appraise
institutionalized marriage by its value to the human spirit; he must
resolve for the time to regard men and women as equally human beings,
entitled to be judged by the same standards, and not by different sets
of traditional criteria; and he must put away fear of sex and fear of
autonomy. If he can do these things, he may be able to look clear-eyed
down the long vista of the centuries and realize the havoc that has
been wrought in the souls of men and women by a sexual code and a
system of marriage based on a double standard of spiritual values and
of conduct. He may perceive how constant tutelage degrades the human
spirit, and how much greater would be the sum of human joy if freedom
were substituted for coercion and regulation--if men and women were
without legal power to harass and bedevil one another simply because
the State, through the marriage-bond, allows them humiliating rights
in one another; if virginity and chastity were matters of self-respect
and taste, instead of being matters of worldly self-interest to women
and unconcern to men; if the relations between the sexes were based on
equality and regulated only by affection and the desire to serve and
give happiness.
The modification which institutionalized marriage has been undergoing
since the partial emergence of woman, its chief victim, have been
in the direction of equality and freedom. The relative ease with
which divorce may now be had marks a long step towards recognition
of marriage as a personal rather than a social concern; and so does
the tendency to abolish the legal disabilities resulting from the
marriage-bond. Nothing augurs better for the elevation of marriage to
a higher plane than the growing economic independence of women and the
consequent improvement in the social position of the unmarried woman;
for only when marriage is placed above all considerations of economic
or social advantage will it be in a way to satisfy the highest demands
of the human spirit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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