Confession; Or, The Blind Heart. A Domestic StorySimms, William Gilmore
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Confession; Or, The Blind Heart. A Domestic Story
Simms, William Gilmore
Domestic fiction
They entered the stately measures of the Spanish dance But the grace
of movement which won the murmuring applause of all around me, only
increased the agony of my afflictions. I saw their linked arms--the
compliant, willing movements of their mutual forms--and dark were the
images of guilt and hateful suspicion which entered my brain and grew
to vivid forms, in action before me. I fancied the fierce, passionate
yearnings in the heart of Edgerton; I trembled when I conjectured what
fancies filled the heart of Julia. I can not linger over the torturing
influence of those moments--moments which seemed ages! Enough that I was
maddened with the delirium, now almost as its height, which had been for
months preying upon my brain like some corroding serpent.
The dance closed. Edgerton conducted her to a seat and placed himself
beside her. I kept aloof. I watched them from a distance; and in
sustaining this watch, I was compelled to recall my senses with a stern
degree of resolution which should save my feelings from the detection of
those inquisitive glances which I fancied were all around me. If I was
weakest among men, in the disease which destroyed my peace, Heaven knows
I was among the strongest of men in concealing its expression at the
very moment when every pulsation of my heart was an especial agony. I
affected indifference, threw myself into the midst of a group of such
people as talk of their neighbor's bonnets or breeches, the rise
of stocks, or the fall of rain; and how Mrs. Jenkins has set up her
carriage, and Mr. Higgins has been compelled to set down, and to sell
out his. Interesting details, perhaps, without which the nine in ten
might as well be tongueless or tongue-tied for ever. This stuff I had to
hear, and requite in like currency, while my brain was boiling, and
dim, but terrible images of strife, and storm, and agony, were rushing
through it with howling and hisses. There I sat, thus seemingly engaged,
but with an eye ever glancing covertly to the two, who, at that moment,
absorbed every thought of my mind, every feeling of my heart, and filled
them both with the bitterest commotion. The glances of their mutual
eyes, the expression of lip and check, I watched with the keenest
analysis of suspicion. In Julia, I saw sweetness mixed with a delicate
reserve. She seemed to speak but little. Her eyes wandered from her
companion--frequently to where I sat---but I gave myself due credit, at
such moments, for the ability with which I conducted my own espionage.
My inference--equally unjust and unnatural--that her timid glances to
my-self denoted in her bosom a consciousness of wrong--seemed to me the
most natural and inevitable inference. And when I noted the ardency
of Edgerton's gaze, his close, unrelaxing attentions, the seeming
forgetfulness of all around which he manifested, I hurried to the
conclusion that his words were of a character to suit his looks, and
betray in more emphatic utterance, the passion which they also betrayed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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