Continental Monthly, Vol. 4, No 3, September 1863: Devoted to Literature and National PolicyVarious
History
Continental Monthly, Vol. 4, No 3, September 1863: Devoted to Literature and National Policy
Various
Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals; United States -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Periodicals
truth but vaguely felt. I could see all this as I sat by her side,
permitting the love I had not words to speak to betray me in every look,
tone, and gesture. But even while I watched her thus, serenely awaiting
the time when a full consciousness should pervade her spirit as it was
pervading mine--now when the sun of my happiness was slowly approaching
its zenith, there appeared above the horizon the little cloud doomed to
overspread and darken the calm heaven of my joy. We were no longer
entirely alone: a third person was added to the sweet enchanted number
that first walked the groves of Eden, and the complete spirituality of
our communion was gone! Other eyes gazed on what we gazed; other eyes
looked into the blue depths of hers, and sought with mine their smiling
approval, and the brightest charm of our intercourse had departed
forever. The last time in which it still remained unbroken--the last
sweet time that I could call her wholly mine, was on a placid autumn
evening. We had strolled farther than usual, tempted by the tranquil
beauty around us, and during that walk I had been strangely, wonderfully
happy. Many times, as we walked silently side by side, a strong, an
almost irresistible impulse seemed to force me to utter those three
passionate words that have caused a flutter in the heart-beat of so many
thousands since the world began; and as many times the reverence I felt
for her, and the diffidence arising from it, held me back, and the words
remained unspoken. Yet this contest of feeling had led me to venture
more upon outward expression: I had held her hand in mine, and twice or
thrice had pressed it mutely and reverently to my lips; and she, seeing
nothing of the ardor of a lover in this (the very excess of my emotion
had made me outwardly calm), had allowed me to retain it, bestowed upon
me her sunniest smile, calling me the while friend and brother. It was
not the terms my heart most earnestly longed for; but I looked forward
with a lover's eye, and was content. And thus we wandered slowly back
again--back to meet one who possessed the power to change the aspect of
both our lives; the power to darken mine on earth--and who was he? A
mere boy--a lover of Jennie's, who impatiently awaited our return that
very night. They had been playmates in childhood, but had not met since
then.
Had I been less certain that her love would be mine in the future, I
should have trembled when I looked upon this man; for he possessed those
gifts in their richness and fulness that most easily win a woman's love.
Then, too, he was her mother's guest--with Jennie, morning, noon, and
night--invariably our companion in our frequent walks--always by her
side, and with a mingling of tenderness and reverence proffering that
devoted and delicate homage which most readily finds its way to the
affections of an artless maiden.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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