"I think," and now her hand went out to him across the table, as if she
would soften the words, "I think that if you had felt yourself called
to do that one thing, that nothing would have swayed you from it--there
are people not in the churches, who never go to church, who want what
you have to give--there are the highways and hedges. Oh, surely, not
all of the people worth preaching to are the ones in the pews."
She flung the challenge at him directly.
And he flung it back to her, "If I had had such a woman as you in my
life----"
"Oh, don't, _don't_." The radiance died. "What has any woman to do
with it? It is you--yourself, who must stand the test."
After the ringing words there was dead silence. Roger sat leaning
forward, his eyes not upon her, but upon the fire. In his white face
there was no hint of weakness; there was, rather, pride, obstinacy, the
ruggedness of inflexible purpose.
"I am afraid," he said at last, "that I have not stood the test."
Her clear eyes met his squarely. "Then meet it now."
For a moment he blazed. "I know now what you think of me, that I am a
man who has shirked."
"You know I do not think that."
He surrendered. "I do know it. And I need your help."
Shaken by their emotion, they became conscious that this was indeed
their hour. She told him all that she had dreamed he might do. Her
color came and went as she drew the picture of his future. Some of the
advice she gave was girlish, impracticable, but through it all ran the
thread of her faith to him. She felt that she had the solution. That
through service he was to find--God.
It was a wonderful hour for Roger Poole. An hour which was to shine
like a star in his memory. Mary's mind had a largeness of vision, the
ability to rise above the lesser things in order to reach the greater,
which seemed super-feminine. It was not until afterward when he
reviewed what they had said, that he was conscious that she had placed
the emphasis on what he was to do. Not once had she spoken of what had
been done--not once had she spoken of his wife.
"You mustn't bury yourself. You must find a way to reach first one
group and then another. And after a time you'll begin to feel that you
can face the world."
He winced. As she put it into words, he began to see himself as others
must have seen him. And the review was not a pleasant one.
In a sense that hour with Mary Ballard in the screened space by the
fire was the hour of Roger Poole's spiritual awakening. He realized
for the first time that he had missed the meaning of the candles on the
altar, the voices in the choir; he had missed the knowledge that one
must spend and be spent in the service of humanity.
"I must think it over," he said. "You mustn't expect too much of me
all at once."
"I shall expect--everything."
As she spoke and smiled, and it seemed to him that his old garment of
fear slipped from him--as if he were clothed in the shining armor of
her confidence in him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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