"I was educated in my paternal home, with a tenderness and virtue that I admire the more, the more I know of mankind. I have never loved any one more profoundly than I loved my father; yet I think, had I then known as I now do, how alone his character stood in the world, my affection would have been still more devoted. I remember a thousand traits in his life that seemed to me quite simple, because he found them so, and that melt me into tears now I can appreciate their worth. Self-reproach on our conduct to a dear object who is no more, gives an idea of what eternal torments would be, if Divine mercy deigned not to soothe our griefs. I was calmly happy with my father, but wished to travel ere I entered the army. There is, in my country, a noble career open for eloquence; but I am even yet so timid, that it would be painful for me to speak in public; therefore I preferred a military life, and certain danger, to possible disgust; my self-love is in all respects more susceptible than ambitious. Men become giants when they blame me, and pigmies when they praise. I wished to visit France, where the revolution had just begun, which, old as was the race of man, professed to recommence the history of the world. My father was somewhat prepossessed against Paris, which he had seen during the last years of Louis XV.; and could hardly conceive how coteries were to change into a nation, pretence into virtue, or vanity into enthusiasm. Yet he consented to my wishes, for he feared to exact anything, and felt embarrassed by his own authority, unless duty commanded him to exert it, lest it might impair the truth, the purity, of voluntary affection; and above all, he lived on being loved. In the beginning of 1791, when I had completed my twenty-first year, he gave me six months' leave of absence; and I departed to make acquaintance with the nation so near in neighborhood, so contrasted in habits, to my own. Methought I should never love it. I had all the prejudices of English pride and gravity. I feared the French raillery against all that is tender and serious. I detested that art of repelling impulse and disenchanting love. The foundation of this vaunted gayety appeared to me a sad one, for it wounded the sentiments I most cherished. I had not then met any really great Frenchmen, such as unite the noblest qualities with the most charming manners. I was astonished at the free simplicity which reigned in Parisian parties. The most important interests were discussed without either frivolity or pedantry, as if the highest thoughts had become the patrimony of conversation, and that the revolution of the whole world would but render the society of Paris more delightful. I found men of superior talents and education animated by the desire to please, even more than the wish to be useful; seeking the suffrages of the _salon_ after those of the senate, and living in female society rather to be applauded than beloved.