"Yes," he said, "that is true; but doesn't it make you awfully mad if you ask a lady to marry you and she refuses?" and it must be confessed that this was a difficult question to answer without compromising one's self. The rigour of the old regime was apparently modified by giving the young lady a chance to refuse. About ten days before the marriage, two ladies are selected by the mother of the young man to carry a peculiar ornament made of ebony and jade, or jade alone, or red lacquer, to the home of the prospective bride. This ornament is called the ju yi, which means "According to my wishes." If the lady receives it into her own hands it signifies her willingness to become his bride; if she rejects it, the negotiations are at an end, though I have never heard of a girl who refused the ju yi.[3] Very erroneous ideas of the life and occupations of the Chinese ladies of the noble and official classes are held by those not conversant with their home life. The Chinese woman is commonly regarded as little better than a secluded slave, who whiles away the tedious hours at an embroidery frame, where with her needle she works those delicate and intricate pieces of embroidery for which she is famous throughout the world. In reality, a Chinese lady has little time to give to such work. Her life is full of the most exacting social duties. Few American ladies in the whirl of society in Washington or New York have more social functions to attend or duties to perform. I have often been present in the evening when the head eunuch brought to the ruling lady of the home (and the head of the home in China is the woman, not the man) an ebony tablet on which was written in red ink the list of social functions the ladies were to attend the following day. She would select from the list such as she and her unmarried daughters could attend,--the daughters always going with their mother and not with their sisters-in-law,--then she would apportion the other engagements to her daughters-in-law, who would attend them in her stead.