England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“They will want me to lay bare my heart. I cannot do it. Paul, stay
with me. They mean well; but as for spiritual help at such a time—it is
God only, God only, who can give it.
So I went in with him. They were two ministers from the neighbourhood;
both older than Ebenezer Holman; but evidently inferior to him in
education and worldly position. I thought they looked at me as if I
were an intruder, but remembering the minister’s words I held my
ground, and took up one of poor Phillis’s books (of which I could not
read a word) to have an ostensible occupation. Presently I was asked to
“engage in prayer”, and we all knelt down; Brother Robinson “leading”,
and quoting largely as I remember from the Book of Job. He seemed to
take for his text, if texts are ever taken for prayers,
“Behold thou hast instructed many; but now it is come upon thee, and
thou faintest, it toucheth thee and thou art troubled.” When we others
rose up, the minister continued for some minutes on his knees. Then he
too got up, and stood facing us, for a moment, before we all sate down
in conclave. After a pause Robinson began,—
“We grieve for you, Brother Holman, for your trouble is great. But we
would fain have you remember you are as a light set on a hill; and the
congregations are looking at you with watchful eyes. We have been
talking as we came along on the two duties required of you in this
strait; Brother Hodgson and me. And we have resolved to exhort you on
these two points. First, God has given you the opportunity of showing
forth an example of resignation.” Poor Mr Holman visibly winced at this
word. I could fancy how he had tossed aside such brotherly preachings
in his happier moments; but now his whole system was unstrung, and
“resignation” seemed a term which presupposed that the dreaded misery
of losing Phillis was inevitable. But good stupid Mr Robinson went on.
“We hear on all sides that there are scarce any hopes of your child’s
recovery; and it may be well to bring you to mind of Abraham; and how
he was willing to kill his only child when the Lord commanded. Take
example by him, Brother Holman. Let us hear you say, ‘The Lord giveth
and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!’”
There was a pause of expectancy. I verily believe the minister tried to
feel it; but he could not. Heart of flesh was too strong. Heart of
stone he had not.
“I will say it to my God, when He gives me strength,—when the day
comes,” he spoke at last.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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