Cruikshank, George, 1792-1878; Illustration of books -- Great Britain -- 19th century; Watercolor painting, British
‘Oh, yes!’ rejoined the matron with enthusiasm; ‘so fond of their
home too, that it’s quite a pleasure, I’m sure.’
‘Mrs. Corney, ma’am,’ said Mr. Bumble, slowly, and marking the time
with his teaspoon, ‘I mean to say this, ma’am; that any cat, or
kitten, that could live with you, ma’am, and _not_ be fond of its
home, must be a ass, ma’am.’
‘Oh, Mr. Bumble!’ remonstrated Mrs. Corney.
‘It’s of no use disguising facts, ma’am,’ said Mr. Bumble, slowly
flourishing the teaspoon with a kind of amorous dignity which made
him doubly impressive; ‘I would drown it myself, with pleasure.’
‘Then you’re a cruel man,’ said the matron vivaciously, as she held
out her hand for the beadle’s cup; ‘and a very hard-hearted man
besides.’
‘Hard-hearted, ma’am?’ said Mr. Bumble. ‘Hard?’ Mr. Bumble resigned
his cup without another word; squeezed Mrs. Corney’s little finger
as she took it; and inflicting two open-handed slaps upon his laced
waistcoat, gave a mighty sigh, and hitched his chair a very little
morsel farther from the fire.
It was a round table; and as Mrs. Corney and Mr. Bumble had been
sitting opposite each other, with no great space between them, and
fronting the fire, it will be seen that Mr. Bumble, in receding from
the fire, and still keeping at the table, increased the distance
between himself and Mrs. Corney; which proceeding, some prudent
readers will doubtless be disposed to admire, and to consider an act
of great heroism on Mr. Bumble’s part: he being in some sort tempted
by time, place, and opportunity, to give utterance to certain soft
nothings, which however well they may become the lips of the light
and thoughtless, do seem immeasurably beneath the dignity of judges
of the land, members of parliament, ministers of state, lord mayors,
and other great public functionaries, but more particularly beneath
the stateliness and gravity of a beadle: who (as is well known)
should be the sternest and most inflexible among them all.
Whatever were Mr. Bumble’s intentions, however (and no doubt they
were of the best): it unfortunately happened, as has been twice
before remarked, that the table was a round one; consequently
Mr. Bumble, moving his chair by little and little, soon began
to diminish the distance between himself and the matron; and,
continuing to travel round the outer edge of the circle, brought his
chair, in time, close to that in which the matron was seated.
Indeed, the two chairs touched; and when they did so, Mr. Bumble
stopped.
Now, if the matron had moved her chair to the right, she would have
been scorched by the fire; and if to the left, she must have fallen
into Mr. Bumble’s arms; so (being a discreet matron, and no doubt
foreseeing these consequences at a glance) she remained where she
was, and handed Mr. Bumble another cup of tea.
‘Hard-hearted, Mrs. Corney?’ said Mr. Bumble, stirring his tea, and
looking up into the matron’s face; ‘are _you_ hard-hearted, Mrs.
Corney?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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