"I have been more than merely an impenitent man: I have been an unbeliever; I have been an infidel. I have not only tried to disbelieve the Holy Scripture, but I have actually disbelieved. I have thought myself wiser than the word of God. I do not mean that I have enjoyed peace, that my conscience has been at rest, and that I have been happy in my unbelief. Three months ago I began to grow more than usually discontented with myself. Questions which I counted settled and put to rest for ever came back to trouble me. A hundred times a day the questions came, What if there be a God who holds me responsible? What if there be a future life and a judgment day? What if Christ be the Son of God? Why such questions should haunt me day and night I could not tell. I have learned to believe that the Spirit of God was speaking to me. This restlessness brought me to the church for half a day. If my object was to gain rest in unbelief, I could not have done worse. My old arguments were unavailing to break the force of the truths preached. The questions which had been sounding in my ears and echoing in my heart began to change to solemn affirmations: 'There is a God;' 'There is a day of judgment;' 'Appointed unto man once to die, and after that the judgment;' 'Christ is risen.' Texts of Scripture learned in my boyhood and forgotten long years ago came back fresh to my memory. But I will not stop to rehearse to you all my struggles of mind for two months past. For a few weeks you have seen me here. I determined that I would try to find Christ if he manifests himself to men in these latter days. For two weeks I have tried to pray, but I have found no satisfaction. Christ has not manifested himself. My darkness has grown deeper and deeper. I have sometimes almost determined to abandon all thought of Christ and throw myself back again upon my former unbelief. But I could not lay down the subject.