Oh, Gladstone, Champion of Reform, and Friend of the People, intercede for the poor Fenian prisoners. We beseech thee, oh, Gladstone. Ye undaunted Champions of Ireland, Sullivan and Moore, agitate for the poor Fenian prisoners. Agitate, oh, Patriots, we beseech thee! To raise funds for the free emigration of our London poor, tax the “Upper Ten,” we beseech thee, oh, Lowe! Do, we beseech thee, there’s a good Lowe! And, oh, most thrifty Chancellor, we pray thee to reduce the pocket money of our Royal pensioners, for it is hard to pluck the poor hard working-man’s pence, and let the idle children of mammon go free. Hear that, oh, purple and fine linen! And may it please your Majesty to grant a lease of Buckingham Palace to the old and infirm Bishops of St. Stephen’s, that they may take daily exercise in St. James’s Park, fill their aprons with bread crumbs, and reverently feed the ducks! Hear that, oh, Lawnsleeves? And now to Gladstone, Bright, and Stuart Mill, chosen of the people, let us render our thanks now and for ever! AMEN. H. Disley, Printer, 57, High Street, St. Giles, London. THE NEW INTENDED REFORM BILL _Which is expected to come into operation as soon as the Lords and Commons think fit._ The first Clause in this new intended Act is relative to Teetotalers. BE IT ENACTED:--That any teetotaler who shall be known to drink more than three gallons of cold water during the day, shall be chained to the parish pump four hours, and pay two shillings extra, in each quarter, water rate. So says the Reform Bill. Clause 2nd. Any young lady who shall wear a crinoline more than twelve yards in circumference, or containing more than thirteen steel hoops, shall pay 5s. to the nearest hospital to where she resides to find plasters for broken shins. 3rd.--Any workhouse-master who shall neglect to skim the fat off the water in which thirty-six paupers have been bathed, shall be forced to live upon skilly for five days, and work for eight hours at the crank. 4th.--Any lady over the age of seventy, who shall drink more than three quarterns of gin before breakfast, unless she shall be suffering from the cholic, shall be kept without snuff for a fortnight. 5th.--Any man who shall be known to get drunk, and beat his wife more than once a day, shall be compelled to sleep at the foot of the bed for one month; and if that does not cure him, he shall be confined in one of her Majesty’s Gaols till a reformation shall take place. 6th.--And whereas we have received numerous complaints that a great number of ladies’ pet dogs having been found smothered in the mud that has been swept up and left by the roadside, the commissioners are requested to see that the said mud shall be carted away at least once a week, especially in rainy weather. 7th.--Any woman who shall bring forth more than two children at a birth, she will not be allowed to sleep with her husband for two months, unless the head-board shall be placed between them.