You shall swear by the custom of our confession. That you never made nuptial transgression, Since you were married man and wife, By household brawls or contentious strife; Or otherwise in bed or at board, Offended each other in deed or word; Or since the parish clerk said amen, Wished yourselves unmarried again, Or in a twelve month and a day, Repented not in thought any way; But continued true and in desire, As when you joined hands in holy choir: If to these conditions without all fear, Of your own accord you will freely swear: A gammon of bacon you shall receive, And bear it hence with love and good leave; For this is our custom at Dunmow well known, Tho’ the sport be ours, the bacon’s your own. Upon which a gammon of bacon was delivered to the said Thomas Shakeshaft, and Ann his wife, with the usual solemnity. THE RENT DAY; OR, BLACK MONDAY MORNING. Oh, black Monday morning dread I’m sure, The landlord is coming, he’s just at the door; With his book in his hand he seems fully bent To have from his tenants the whole of his rent. Well, Mrs. Longface, have you got any rent ready--let me see, there’s 5s. on the book, and 3s. this week makes 8s., now I have brought a receipt for the whole.--I am very sorry, sir, but I have no money till next week!--Next week! why your husband was drunk last Saturday night, and he earns 50s. a week, and can’t pay 3s, this won’t do; If I can’t get my rent I shall bring the bailiff on Monday morning, so I tell you what you have to trust to. So away then he goes, and with a black look, And under his arm he puts his rent book; He knocks at the next door, and his looks are so sour, He will turn all the milk in the town in an hour. “Well, Mrs. Paywell, have you got any rent for me?--Yes, sir.--You are the best tenant I have got; let me see, 20s., here’s your receipt.--Stop, sir, before I pay you this money, you must send a bricklayer and a carpenter; there’s the top of the house wants repairing, the stairs are all to pieces, and the privy door is off, and I am desired by my husband not to pay you a farthing till you have put the whole in complete repair.--No. I won’t repair it at all, so if you don’t like it leave it.--Yes, but I am not agoing to give you 20s. When it rained the other night we were obliged to get up, and move the children into the middle of the room, and my husband and I were compelled to keep up all night with an umbrella over our heads to keep the rain off. I think if landlords were as fond of sending carpenters and bricklayers as they are of sending bailiffs, it would be more to their advantage.--But, Mrs Paywell, where’s your husband, I must speak to him about it.--Why, he’s at work, and he can’t afford to lose a day to wait on you, so as soon as you get the repairs done here’s your money.