"It was Mr. Lothrop, the Episcopalian minister, who first gave me this
turn toward serious pursuits. He was a good man, who had known my
mother, and after her death he used to come to the house, and finding me
moping in a corner, while Emma made the room gay with her talk, he would
draw me out with wonderful stories of women who had become the centre of
a great society by the brilliance of their attainments and the sparkle
of their wit. Once he called me beautiful, and when he saw the deep
flush, which I could not subdue, mantle my cheeks and agitate my whole
body, he took me very kindly by the hand, and said:
"'Hermione, you have splendid powers. Perhaps God allowed a little
defect to fall upon your beauty, in order to teach you the value of the
superior faculties with which you are endowed. You can be a fine, grand
woman, if you will.'
"Alas! he did not know that one unconscious tribute to my personal
attractions would just then have gone much farther with me than any
amount of appreciation for my mental abilities. Yet his words had their
effect, and from that moment I began to study--not as my father did,
with an absorbed, passionate devotion to one line of thought; that
seemed to me narrow and demoralizing, perhaps because almost every
disappointment or grief incident to those days could be traced to my
father's abstraction to everything disconnected with his laboratory. If
I wished to go to the city, or extend my knowledge of the world by
travel, it was: 'I have an experiment on hand; I cannot leave the
laboratory.' If I wished a new gown, or a set of books, it was: 'I am
not rich, and I must use all my spare means in buying the apparatus I
need, or the chemicals which are necessary to the discoveries I am in
the way of making.' Yet none of those discoveries or experiments ever
resulted in anything further than the acquiring on his part of a purely
local fame for learning. Therefore no special branch for me, but a
general culture which would fit me to shine in any society it might
henceforth be my good fortune to enter.
"My father might brood over his books, and bend his back over the retort
and crucible; my sister might laugh and attract the liking of a crowd of
foolish heads, but I would be the Sevigny, the Rambouillet of my time,
and by the eloquence of my conversation and the grace of my manner win
for myself that superiority among women which nature had designed for
me, but of which cruel fate had robbed me, even before I knew its worth.
"You will say these are great hopes for a village girl who had never
travelled beyond her native town, and who knew the great world only
through the medium of books. But is it not in villages and quiet
sequestered places that lofty ambitions are born? Is it the city boy who
becomes the President of our United States, or the city girl who
startles the world with her talent as poet, artist, or novelist?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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