Adultery -- Fiction; Cuba -- Fiction; Runaway husbands -- Fiction
“The wildest kind of a dream,” Lee Randon proclaimed. “But when I
became aware of Savina, or rather of her passion, I was sure I had been
completely justified. She was, I believed, Cytherea. They looked alike.
They were the same! However, I mistook that sameness. I can understand
now, very clearly; it seems incredible that I had been so blind, so
fatuous, Daniel. I actually thought that there was a choice, a special
graciousness, existing and reserved for me.” He laughed, not bitterly,
but in a wonderment that bordered on dismay. “I felt that I had found it
in Savina. I did get a lot there--more than I should have hoped for--but
not precisely that. At last I know.” His voice was grave, and he paused
that Daniel might grasp the weight of what was to follow. “I had made
the mistake of thinking that I, as an individual, had any importance.
In my insane belief that a heavenly beauty, a celestial chorus girl,
was kept for me, I pictured myself as an object of tender universal
consideration.
“Damned anthropomorfic rot!
“It was a principle all the while,” he cried; “a principle that would
fill the sky, as vast as space; and ignorant, careless, of me, it
was moving to its own end. And that--do you see, Daniel?--had grown
destructive. It had begun differently, naturally, in the healthy
fertility of animals and simple lives; but the conceit of men, men like
me, had opposed and antagonized it. Magnifying our sensibilities, we had
come to demand the dignity of separate immortalities. Separate worms!
We thought that the vitality in us was for the warming of our own hearts
and the seduction of our nerves. And so I left the safety of a species,
of Fanny and children, for the barrenness of Cytherea.
“That's her secret, what she's forever smiling at--her power, through
men's vanity, to conquer the earth. She's the reward of all our fineness
and visions and pleasure, the idol of our supreme accomplishment:
the privilege of escaping from slavery into impotence, the doubtful
privilege of repaying the indignities of our birth.” His rigid strained
face was drenched with sweat. “We made her out of our longing and
discontent, an idol of silk and gilt and perverse fingers, and put
her above the other, above everything. She rewarded us, oh, yes--with
promises of her loveliness. Why shouldn't she be lovely eternally in the
dreams of men?
“Then, finally, Savina and Cytherea were merged again. In Savina her
passion, always abnormal, hadn't been spent; there she was younger than
the youngest girl I knew; incomparably more dangerous. She, too, had
been constrained by the artificial, by conventionality; and when
the moment of reality came it broke William Grove, Fanny, Helena and
Gregory--all the threads that precariously held us. She was stronger
than I, Savina was the goal and I was only the seeker--that was the
difference between us--and in absorbing me she was content.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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