HARD. Ha! ha! ha! The story is a good one. Well, honest Diggory, you may laugh at that—but still remember to be attentive. Suppose one of the company should call for a glass of wine, how will you behave? A glass of wine, sir, if you please. (_To_ DIGGORY.) Eh, why don't you move? DIGG. Ecod, your worship, I never have courage till I see the eatables and drinkables brought upon the table, and then I'm as bauld as a lion. [Illustration: HARDCASTLE.—"_You must not be so talkative, Diggory._"—_p._ 333. ] HARD. What, will nobody move? 1. SERV. I'm not to leave this place. 2. SERV. I'm sure it's no place of mine. 3. SERV. Nor mine, for sartain. DIGG. Wauns, and I'm sure it canna be mine. HARD. You numskulls! and so while, like your betters, you are quarrelling for places, the guests must be starved. O you dunces! I find I must begin all over again.—But don't I hear a coach drive into the yard? To your posts, you blockheads. I'll go in the mean time and give my old friend's son a hearty welcome at the gate. _Exit_ HARDCASTLE. DIGG. By the elevens, my place is gone quite out of my head. ROGER. I know that my place is to be everywhere. 1. SERV. Where the devil is mine? 2. SERV. My place is to be no where at all; and so Ize go about my business. _Exeunt_ SERVANTS, _running about as if frighted, different ways_. _Enter_ SERVANT _with candles, showing in_ MARLOW _and_ HASTINGS. SERV. Welcome, gentlemen, very welcome. This way. HAST. After the disappointments of the day, welcome once more, Charles, to the comforts of a clean room and a good fire. Upon my word, a very well-looking house; antique, but creditable. MARL. The usual fate of a large mansion. Having first ruined the master by good housekeeping, it at last comes to levy contributions as an inn. HAST. As you say, we passengers are to be taxed to pay all these fineries. I have often seen a good sideboard, or a marble chimney-piece, though not actually put in the bill, inflame the bill confoundedly. MARL. Travellers, George, must pay in all places. The only difference is, that in good inns you pay dearly for luxuries; in bad inns you are fleeced and starved. HAST. You have lived pretty much among them. In truth, I have been often surprised, that you, who have seen so much of the world, with your natural good sense, and your many opportunities, could never yet acquire a requisite share of assurance. MARL. The Englishman's malady. But tell me, George, where could I have learned that assurance you talk of? My life has been chiefly spent in a college, or an inn; in seclusion from that lovely part of the creation that chiefly teach men confidence. I don't know that I was ever familiarly acquainted with a single modest woman—except my mother—But among females of another class, you know— HAST. Aye, among them you are impudent enough of all conscience. MARL. They are of _us_, you know.