HARD. O no, sir, none in the least; yet, I don't know how, our Bridget, the cook-maid, is not very communicative upon these occasions. Should we send for her, she might scold us all out of the house. HAST. Let's see the list of the larder then. I ask it as a favour. I always match my appetite to my bill of fare. MARL. (_To_ HARDCASTLE, _who looks at them with surprise_.) Sir, he's very right, and it's my way too. HARD. Sir, you have a right to command here. Roger, bring us the bill of fare for to-night's supper. I believe it's drawn up. Your manner, Mr. Hastings, puts me in mind of my uncle, Colonel Wallop. It was a saying of his that no man was sure of his supper till he had eaten it. HAST. (_Aside._) All upon the high ropes! His uncle a colonel! we shall soon hear of his mother being a justice of peace. But let's hear the bill of fare. MARL. (_Perusing._) What's here? For the first course; for the second course; for the dessert. The devil, sir, do you think we have brought down the whole joiner's company, or the corporation of Bedford, to eat up such a supper? Two or three little things, clean and comfortable, will do. HAST. But let's hear it. MARL. (_Reading._) For the first course at the top, a pig, and pruin sauce. HAST. Damn your pig, I say. MARL. And damn your pruin sauce, say I. HARD. And yet, gentlemen, to men that are hungry, pig, with pruin sauce, is very good eating. MARL. At the bottom, a calf's tongue and brains. HAST. Let your brains be knocked out, my good sir; I don't like them. MARL. Or you may clap them on a plate by themselves. I do. HARD. (_Aside._) Their impudence confounds me. (_To them._) Gentlemen, you are my guests, make what alterations you please. Is there any thing else you wish to retrench, or alter, gentlemen? MARL. Item, A pork pie, a boiled rabbit and sausages, a florentine, a shaking pudding, and a dish of tiff—taff—taffety cream! HAST. Confound your made dishes. I shall be as much at a loss in this house, as at a green and yellow dinner, at the French ambassador's table. I'm for plain eating. [Illustration: HASTINGS.—"_Let your brains be knocked out, my good sir; I don't like them._"—_p._ 338. ] HARD. I'm sorry, gentlemen, that I have nothing you like; but if there be any thing you have a particular fancy to—— MARL. Why really, sir, your bill of fare is so exquisite, that any one part of it is full as good as another. Send us what you please. So much for supper: and now to see that our beds are aired, and properly taken care of. HARD. I entreat you'll leave all that to me. You shall not stir a step. MARL. Leave that to you? I protest, sir, you must excuse me; I always look to these things myself. HARD. I must insist, sir, you'll make yourself easy on that head. MARL. You see I'm resolved on it. (_Aside._) A very troublesome fellow this, as ever I met with.