MARL. You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! What were my orders? Were you
not told to drink freely, and call for what you thought fit, for the
good of the house?
HARD. (_Aside._) I begin to lose my patience.
JEREMY. Please your honour, liberty and Fleet-street for ever! Though
I'm but a servant, I'm as good as another man. I'll drink for no man
before supper, sir, damme! Good liquor will sit upon a good supper; but
a good supper will not sit upon—(_Hiccup._)—upon my conscience, sir.
MARL. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as drunk as he can possibly
be. I don't know what you'd have more, unless you'd have the poor devil
soused in a beer-barrel.
HARD. Zounds! He'll drive me distracted if I contain myself any longer.
Mr. Marlow, sir; I have submitted to your insolence for more than four
hours, and I see no likelihood of its coming to an end. I'm now
resolved to be master here, sir; and I desire that you and your drunken
pack may leave my house directly.
MARL. Leave your house?—Sure you jest, my good friend! What, when I'm
doing what I can to please you?
HARD. I tell you, sir, you don't please me; so I desire you'll leave my
house.
MARL. Sure you cannot be serious! At this time o'night, and such a
night! You only mean to banter me.
HARD. I tell you, sir, I'm serious; and, now that my passions are
roused, I say this house is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I
command you to leave it directly!
MARL. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step, I assure
you. (_In a serious tone._) This your house, fellow! It's my house.
This is my house. Mine, while I choose to stay. What right have you to
bid me leave this house, sir? I never met with such impudence, curse
me, never in my whole life before.
HARD. Nor I, confound me if ever I did. To come to my house, to call
for what he likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to insult the
family, to order his servants to get drunk, and then to tell me, _This
house is mine, sir_. By all that's impudent, it makes me laugh. Ha! ha!
Pray, sir, (_Bantering._) as you take the house, what think you of
taking the rest of the furniture? There's a pair of silver
candlesticks, and there's a fire-screen, and here's a pair of
brazen-nosed bellows, perhaps you may take a fancy to them.
MARL. Bring me your bill, sir, bring me your bill, and let's make no
more words about it.
HARD. There are a set of prints too. What think you of the Rake's
Progress for your own apartment?
MARL. Bring me your bill, I say; and I'll leave you and your infernal
house directly.
HARD. Then there's a mahogany table, that you may see your own face in.
MARL. My bill, I say.
HARD. I had forgot the great chair, for your own particular slumbers,
after a hearty meal.
MARL. Zounds! bring me my bill, I say; and let's hear no more on't.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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