How silent it was now in the quiet Haidehof. The father could hobble
about the house and garden on a crutch, but he had grown much too lazy
to wield the sceptre again. Paul did not know what else to do for him,
except to have his favorite dishes cooked, not to measure his rations of
ginger and aniseed too sparingly, and to present him each Christmas with
a new almanac. The old man might have been well satisfied with this, for
indeed he needed nothing more--he had even grown too heavy to drive
to the town; but the better his body throve the more imbittered and
exasperated grew his mind. He would sit and brood for hours, and it
was dreadful to see how in doing so he gnashed his teeth and shook his
fists. One of his fixed ideas was that his son kept him under on purpose
that he might claim for himself the glory of the great ideas which his
father had conceived, and the better the moor paid the more eagerly he
calculated what his company would have brought in. He was not sparing
with the millions; he had no need to be so.
But something sprang up from the darkest corner of his soul, and that
was a plan of revenge against Douglas, which he privately nursed and
cherished as his most important secret. Even his sons-in-law, to whom he
liked to open his heart, knew nothing of this. Ulrich once said to Paul,
“Take care; the old man is brewing something against Douglas.”
“What could it be?” he replied, apparently unconcerned, although he had
often felt anxiety on this subject.
Dull, and without interest, Paul lived from one day to the next. His
whole inner being was sacrificed to the commonplace cares about property
and money, yet without his ever experiencing any joy at the success he
attained. There was no longer anybody whom he could make happy, and
he worked on without knowing why--as a cart-horse in the traces moves
forward, ignorant of what the plough does, which it drags through the
briers. Months sometimes passed without his taking one retrospective
glance at his soul. He did not whistle any more, either. He feared the
torments which overwhelming sentiment called into life, but he looked
back on the time when he could commune with himself in the language of
music as on a lost paradise. Often when he compared the result of his
work, his toiling, his wakeful nights, to that which he had sacrificed
for it, he was overcome by intense bitterness. It seemed to him to have
been something unspeakably noble, sweet and blissful, only he could not
find the right name for it.
He could rid himself of these black thoughts most successfully by
plunging deep into some new work, and then a long time would pass before
the fit of melancholy attacked him again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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