She shook back the loosened hair from her face that he might see while
he heard the truth. She had thought him pale; now all color left the
lips pressed against his teeth. His hands tightened on her, but to
hold her away. Before to-night she would have been silenced by this
continence. But now that she knew---- Everything was different now.
“Don’t repulse me as you did the dog, John. I deserve your pity more
than he. Don’t remind me that since birth my presence has brought
death.”
“Death, Dolores? I never guessed what life could be until I saw you.”
“Why, then, make me feel that you regard me as a curse?”
“Dear, I am blessed to have known you.”
Her appeal for herself gentled him as those for him could not do. In
his palms he cupped the oval of her cheeks; for long looked into her
eyes. Stiffly, as if compelled against their inclination by his will,
his lips moved.
“So fragrant and pure is the soul of you, but fragile as the rose that
Jack destroyed. You must not be wasted on me.
“But he said, John, that nothing is ever really wasted, not even the
tears of dew on a rose. They have only their day--roses. And hearts
have only their day. Why not enjoy them the more for their little life?
Tell me again and read your answer in my happiness. Is it true--_true_
that you love me?”
His eyes closed that he might not read; then opened at once lest he
fail.
“I love you with a crave that terrifies me--only less, I hope, than my
honor--with a will to protect you from what you do not understand--from
myself and yourself----”
“Protect love against itself?” Her incredulity silenced him. “If my
heart is a rose that you wish to pluck, John, take it, crush it, sift
its petals through your fingers. If it brings you a moment’s pleasure,
it will not have been wasted.”
His hands recoiled from her face as if from a danger.
But Dolores lifted her arms and laid them around his neck. She felt no
false shame before him. She knew now.
“Take me, John, and crush me. Waste me, since you call love a waste. I
am satisfied to be the rose of your day--to give off my fragrance for
you.”
He could not have shaken her off had he tried, so overwhelming was her
wish to give him that for which he would not ask. He sat perfectly
still, looking down into her eyes, listening to what she said. His
breath came harder when she lifted to her knees on the hassock and
leaned against him.
“Jack told you to see that I was happy. I cannot be so while you are
unhappy, John. Think of me and take me in your arms. Let me feel that
I belong to you--that at last I _belong_.”
“That first day I saw you, Dolores----” His white lips again moved
in words. “Two visible creatures seemed to be born of our meeting.
The best of me went out to you--my love. The best of you appealed to
me--your innocence. Help me to see them plainly as on that day. Remind
me of your inexperience. Don’t urge yourself upon me. For the sake of
your innocence and my love, loose me and leave me.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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