“That’s the worst of it,” he said effortfully. “The best is that I
could have roused you, could rouse you now. But I won’t. I know the
tinder you are made of. That first day I realized that my self-respect
was only auto-hypnotized, not dead. The feeling for you that
restrained me has grown--has given me the strength to tell you the
truth and ask your help.”
“But if you despise yourself and your life,” Dolores faltered, “why not
help yourself?”
“Don’t you know that a bad habit soon masters one? The damnable
thing has got me, that’s why. It will take something stronger than
contempt for myself to get me out. That something is my respect for
you. The fact that I didn’t--that I simply couldn’t----” His fingers
forward-stretching, but clutching only air, his face again florid from
a return rush of blood, he urged: “You--I need _you_. God, I am mad for
you. Have been all along. But I want you to keep. I want you enough to
change my whole life to have you. I know I am a crude sort--that I’m
not what they call to the manner born. But I swear to give you a square
deal. I don’t care what they say about you. I believe in you. I want to
marry you--to take you off somewhere, so that you and I---- Surely you
love me, Dolores? Surely you will----”
The pause was long. During it he seized her limp hand, then dropped it.
He staggered to his feet and stood looking down at her with the dread
gaze of despair. When he spoke again, his lips worked clumsily.
“So. I’m too late. You’re a snuffed candle to me. That means--Mr.
Other Man. The reward of my sacrifice is--punishment. It’s a beautiful
sentiment. I’ll tell the world that. She was speaking the truth for
once, then, about you and John Cabot? All right. I quit. I’m through.”
Dolores watched him fling into his overcoat, pick up his hat and start
for the door. She wished to say something that would help him. She owed
him consideration as the only man who had asked her to marry him. That
he had asked her soothed an ache in her mind. She liked him and she
feared for him. But what was there she could say?
Without a word she had refused him. Without a word she let him go.
The American vernacular “breezed in” might have been inspired by the
entries of Rufus Holt. Less boisterous than a gale, stronger than a
zephyr, something refreshing and promising came with him, like the
tonic in the breath of Spring.
“Glad you’re enjoying a rest,” he saluted Dolores. “You need it,
probably, as much as you deserve it. Or perhaps I should say you
deserve it as much as you need it. It is a worthy thought, for it works
both ways.”
The girl, having been foreadvised to trust the attorney, relaxed in his
balmy friendliness.
“Doesn’t the truth usually work both ways?”
At her offering he rubbed his bald fore-top. “I don’t know about that.
We lawyers learn not to expect too much of the truth. It has gone some
if it works one way.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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