“Yo' don' know--no one kin guess or comperhen'--what des bein' white
would mean ter me! Lawd! Lawd!” he says, his voice soft-spoken, but more
eager than ever as he went on, and pleading something pitiful to hear,
“des think of all de Caucasian blood in me! Gawd knows de nights er my
youth I'se laid awake twell de dawn come red in de Eas' a-cryin' out ter
Him only fo' ter be white! _Des ter be white_! Don' min' dem black, black
niggers dar--don' think er _dem_--dey ain't wuth nothin' nor fitten fo'
no fate but what dey got--But me! What's done kep' me from gwine ter de
top but dat one thing: _I wasn't white!_ Hit air too late now--too late
fo' dem ambitions I done trifle with an' shove behin' me--hit's too late
fo' dat! But ef I was des ter git one li'l year o' hit--_one li'l year o'
bein' white!_--befo' I died--”
And he went on like that, shaking and stuttering there in the road, like
a fit had struck him, crazy as a loon. But he got hold of himself enough
to quit talking, in a minute, and his cunning come back to him before
he was through trembling. Then the doctor says slow and even, but not
severe:
“You go back to your people now, bishop, and tell them they've made a
mistake about me. And if you can, undo the harm you've done with this
Messiah business. As far as this stuff of mine is concerned, there's
none of it for you nor for any other negro. You tell them that. There's
none of it been sold yet--and there never will be.”
Then we turned away and left him standing there in the road, still with
his hat off and his face working.
Walking back toward the little tavern the doctor says:
“Danny, this is the end of this game. These people down here and that
half-cracked, half-crooked old bishop have made me see a few things about
the Afro-American brother. It wasn't a good scheme in the first place.
And this wasn't the place to start it going, anyhow--I should have tried
the niggers in the big towns. But I'm out of it now, and I'm glad of
it. What we want to do is to get away from here to-morrow--go back to
Atlanta and fix up a scheme to rob some widows and orphans, or something
half-way respectable like that.”
Well, I drew a long breath. I was with Doctor Kirby in everything he
done, fur he was my friend, and I didn't intend to quit him. But I was
glad we was out of this, and hadn't sold none of that dope. We both
felt better because we hadn't. All them millions we was going to
make--shucks! We didn't neither one of us give a dern about them getting
away from us. All we wanted was jest to get away from there and not get
mixed up with no nigger problems any more. We eat supper, and we set
around a while, and we went to bed purty middling early, so as to get a
good start in the morning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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