If it went ill before with the hours devoted to common labour, it went
worse now. Hugh seized every gap of time, and widened its margins
shamefully, in order to work at his translation. He found it very
difficult to render the Italian in classical and poetic English. The three
rhyming words, and the mode in which the stanzas are looped together,
added greatly to the difficulty. Blank verse he would have found quite
easy compared to this. But he would not blench. The thought of her praise,
and of the yet better favour he might gain, spurred him on; and Harry was
the sacrifice. But he would make it all up to him, when this was once
over. Indeed, he would.
Thus he baked cakes of clay to choke the barking of Cerberian conscience.
But it would growl notwithstanding.
The boy’s spirit was sinking; but Hugh did not or would not see it. His
step grew less elastic. He became more listless, more like his former self—sauntering
about with his hands in his pockets. And Hugh, of course, found himself
caring less about him; for the thought of him, rousing as it did the sense
of his own neglect, had become troublesome. Sometimes he even passed poor
Harry without speaking to him.
Gradually, however, he grew still further into the favour of Mr. Arnold,
until he seemed to have even acquired some influence with him. Mr. Arnold
would go out riding with them himself sometimes, and express great
satisfaction, not only with the way Harry sat his pony, for which he
accorded Hugh the credit due to him, but with the way in which Hugh
managed his own horse as well. Mr. Arnold was a good horseman, and his
praise was especially grateful to Hugh, because Euphra was always near,
and always heard it. I fear, however, that his progress in the good graces
of Mr. Arnold, was, in a considerable degree, the result of the greater
anxiety to please, which sprung from the consciousness of not deserving
approbation. Pleasing was an easy substitute for well-doing. Not
acceptable to himself, he had the greater desire to be acceptable to
others; and so reflect the side-beams of a false approbation on himself—who
needed true light and would be ill-provided for with any substitute. For a
man who is received as a millionaire can hardly help feeling like one at
times, even if he knows he has overdrawn his banker’s account. The
necessity to Hugh’s nature of feeling right, drove him to this false mode
of producing the false impression. If one only wants to feel virtuous,
there are several royal roads to that end. But, fortunately, the end
itself would be unsatisfactory if gained; while not one of these roads
does more than pretend to lead even to that land of delusion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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