“I shall not trouble you to-day, Margaret, dear,” said she. “I shall not
get up yet, but you will not need to watch me. A great change has passed
upon me. I am free. I have overcome him. He may do as he pleases now. I do
not care. I defy him. I got up last night in my sleep, but I remember all
about it; and, although I was asleep, and felt powerless like a corpse, I
resisted him, even when I thought he was dragging me away by bodily force.
And I resisted him, till he left me alone. Thank God!”
It had been a terrible struggle, but she had overcome. Nor was this all:
she would no more lead two lives, the waking and the sleeping. Her waking
will and conscience had asserted themselves in her sleeping acts; and the
memory of the somnambulist lived still in the waking woman. Hence her two
lives were blended into one life; and she was no more two, but one. This
indicated a mighty growth of individual being.
“I woke without terror,” she went on to say. “I always used to wake from
such a sleep in an agony of unknown fear. I do not think I shall ever walk
in my sleep again.”
Is not salvation the uniting of all our nature into one harmonious whole—God
first in us, ourselves last, and all in due order between? Something very
much analogous to the change in Euphra takes place in a man when he first
learns that his beliefs must become acts; that his religious life and his
human life are one; that he must do the thing that he admires. The Ideal
is the only absolute Real; and it must become the Real in the individual
life as well, however impossible they may count it who never try it, or
who do not trust in God to effect it, when they find themselves baffled in
the attempt.
In the afternoon, Euphra fell asleep, and when she woke, seemed better.
She said to Margaret:
“Can it be that it was all a dream, Margaret? I mean my association with
that dreadful man. I feel as if it were only some horrid dream, and that I
could never have had anything to do with him. I may have been out of my
mind, you know, and have told you things which I believed firmly enough
then, but which never really took place. It could not have been me,
Margaret, could it?”
“Not your real, true, best self, dear.”
“I have been a dreadful creature, Margaret. But I feel that all that has
melted away from me, and gone behind the sunset, which will for ever
stand, in all its glory and loveliness, between me and it, an impassable
rampart of defence.”
Her words sounded strange and excited, but her eye and her pulse were
calm.
“How could he ever have had that hateful power over me?”
“Don’t think any more about him, dear, but enjoy the rest God has given
you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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