David Harum: A Story of American LifeWestcott, Edward Noyes
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David Harum: A Story of American Life
Westcott, Edward Noyes
Bankers -- Fiction; New York (State) -- Fiction
"All right," said David. "Don't care means a little o' both. I alwus
know what to give Polly--piece o' the second jint an' the
last-thing-over-the-fence. Nice 'n rich fer scraggly folks," he
remarked. "How fer you, John?--little o' both, eh?" and he heaped the
plate till our friend begged him to keep something for himself.
"Little too much is jest right," he asserted.
When David had filled the plates and handed them along--Sairy was for
bringing in and taking out; they did their own helping to vegetables and
"passin'"--he hesitated a moment, and then got out of his chair and
started in the direction of the kitchen door.
"What's the matter?" asked Mrs. Bixbee in surprise. "Where you goin'?"
"Woodshed," said David.
"Woodshed!" she exclaimed, making as if to rise and follow.
"You set still," said David. "Somethin' I fergot."
"What on earth!" she exclaimed, with an air of annoyance and
bewilderment. "What do you want in the woodshed? Can't you set down an'
let Sairy git it for ye?"
"No," he asserted with a grin. "Sairy might sqush it. It must be putty
meller by this time," And out he went.
"Manners!" ejaculated Mrs. Bixbee. "You'll think (to John) we're reg'ler
heathin."
"I guess not," said John, smiling and much amused.
Presently Sairy appeared with four tumblers which she distributed, and
was followed by David bearing a bottle. He seated himself and began a
struggle to unwire the same with an ice-pick. Aunt Polly leaned forward
with a look of perplexed curiosity.
"What you got there?" she asked.
"Vewve Clikot's universal an' suv'rin remedy," said David, reading the
label and bringing the corners of his eye and mouth almost together in a
wink to John, "fer toothache, earache, burns, scalds, warts, dispepsy,
fallin' o' the hair, windgall, ringbone, spavin, disapp'inted
affections, an' pips in hens," and out came the cork with a "_wop_," at
which both the ladies, even Mrs. Cullom, jumped and cried out.
"David Harum," declared his sister with conviction, "I believe thet
that's a bottle of champagne."
"If it ain't," said David, pouring into his tumbler, "I ben swindled out
o' four shillin'," and he passed the bottle to John, who held it up
tentatively, looking at Mrs. Bixbee.
"No, thank ye," she said with a little toss of the head, "I'm a son o'
temp'rence. I don't believe," she remarked to Mrs. Cullom, "thet that
bottle ever cost _less_ 'n a dollar." At which remarks David apparently
"swallered somethin' the wrong way," and for a moment or two was unable
to proceed with his dinner. Aunt Polly looked at him suspiciously. It
was her experience that, in her intercourse with her brother, he often
laughed utterly without reason--so far as she could see.
"I've always heard it was dreadful expensive," remarked Mrs. Cullom.
"Let me give you some," said John, reaching toward her with the bottle.
Mrs. Cullom looked first at Mrs. Bixbee and then at David.
"I don't know," she said. "I never tasted any."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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