I might have struggled on with such confused ideas as these had it not
been for the hypothetical other man. He haunted me. The hypothesis
became a fact. It found embodiment in Boller of '89. When after three
interminable days of self-denial I presented myself one evening at the
president's house, a look of annoyance with which Gladys greeted me
seemed connected in some way with the presence of Boller. In my state
of mind I should have suspected any octogenarian who smiled on Gladys
Todd as plotting against my happiness. That she was essential to my
happiness I realized as I watched her, in the shaded lamplight, her
face turned to him as she listened intently to an account of his recent
visit to Washington. They did not treat me as though I made a crowd.
That, at least, would have given me some importance. My role was a
younger brother's. Boller's greeting was kindly, but he made
unmistakable his superiority in years and wisdom as he lapsed into an
arm-chair and toyed with the broad black ribbon adorning his glasses,
while I was condemned to sit upright on a spindly chair. When he
addressed me it was to explain things of which he presumed that I was
ignorant, and he gave no heed to my vehement protests to the contrary.
When Gladys Todd addressed me it was to call attention to some
peculiarly interesting feature of Boller's discourse. They did not
drive me to despair, though I was sure this to be their aim. They
simply aroused my fighting blood. All other thoughts for the future
were forgotten, buried under the repeated vow that I would repay Gladys
Todd a thousand times for this momentary coldness and would deal a
stinging blow to Boller's self-complacency.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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