English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
We then followed him into another room, where we were presented to the
Czarina. The Czarina, who is of humble origin, has that peculiar grace,
that intangible beauty and charm, which baffle verbal description
and cause the painter to burn his canvas. She is the embodiment of
spontaneous and untaught refinement, and her manner, like that art
which consists in concealing all art, proceeds from the certain
instinct which bids her make the right gestures and say the right word
without either effort or forethought.
We proceeded to dinner, which was served punctually at noon. The first
course consisted of many cold meats, followed by a second hot course,
and then by a third course of fruits. During dinner we were all of
us plied with Tockay wine. His Majesty himself partook of it freely
but forebore drinking too much; but we by the end of the meal could
scarcely stand, and the Dutch Minister was obliged nevertheless to
empty a bowl holding a full quart of brandy which he received at the
Czarina’s hand. The result was he rolled under the table, and was
carried away by two men to a quiet place where he could sleep.
The Czar laughed and talked without ceasing, and asked many pertinent
questions concerning England and Scotland, and was thoroughly posted
in all the latest news. Talking of the Stuarts, he said they would
never return, because, apart from their talent for mismanagement, the
English people did not feel strongly enough on the subject to make a
rising in their favour, however popular such a restoration would be if
it could be effected by a _Deus ex machina_. The Stuarts, he said, had
always had the people on their side and the oligarchy against them. He
blamed the English people with regard to Ireland, saying the English
had neither annihilated the Irish nor made them happy. He compared this
to the action of the Poles in Russia in the past, and pointed to the
result.
After dinner I retired to sleep, but at four o’clock we were awakened
and brought back to the Czar’s presence. He gave us each a hatchet and
orders to follow him. He led us into a wood of young trees, where he
marked a walk of a hundred yards to be cut to the seashore. He fell to
work, and we (there were seven of us) followed; (the Dutch Minister
found such a work in his half-dazed condition hard) and in three hours’
time the path was cut. At supper, to which we were bidden, more Tockay
was consumed, and the Czar joked with the Dutch Minister about the
violent exercise he had caused him to take. We retired early, but about
eight the next morning, I was bidden to Court to partake of breakfast,
which consisted, instead of coffee or tea, of large cups of brandy and
pickled cucumbers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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