English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
Last week there was elexions going on. The Head got a notice from the
Reding Club asking him to vote for the Lib. Wasnt he waxy! He read us
out the letter at tea and jawed about the Church and State and said he
would send back the letter with some coppers in it so that they would
have to pay 8_d._ He said a radical was worse than a feenian. We were
taken to the elexion and we all wore blue ribbons in our buttonholes.
The Libs werent allowed to go. There are only seven but I believe
Rowley’s pater is a lib. although he swears he isnt.
Next week we are going to have athletic sports. I think I shall win the
hurdel race and the high. Campbell’s sister’s name is Ann. Mason saw it
at the end of a letter. Now we all call him Mary Ann. He’s awfully sick
about it.
There’s a new chap called Gunter--a little beast. He’s the cheekiest
squit I’ve ever seen. Colly reported him for stealing sugar from the
pantry and he was warned that if he did anything again he would be
turned out of the choir and swiped although it was his first term. He
_has_ got cheek! He called Alston who is now top of the First Div. and
captain of the Eleven, Piggy. Alston smacked his head. Fancy a Fourth
Div. squit calling Alston piggy! Only the Head dares do that. He’s
awfully dirty too and never washes. Colly nabbed him smacking Melton
mi. with a slipper and he was reported again so he was swished. The
Head said it was the first time a new chap had ever been swished and
afterwards he kicked the Head’s straw hat through the Hall. We don’t
know yet what will happen but we think he’ll be expeled.
I got into a row with Mac last week. While we were having tea he passed
up that Bell and me were to stop talking. It never got to us and Mac
sent for me afterwards and said he knew what I was up to and I’d better
look out or I’d find myself in Queer Street and he stopped me talking
for a week.
The Head’s reading us out an awfully good Book called “Tresure
Island” and he’s just finished a better one called “The Last Abot of
Glasconbury.” In the First Div. we do have to swot but in the First
Set with Colly for maths and French we don’t do a stroke of work. You
should hear Lambert the frenchy cheek him. He goes up to him and asks
him whether one ought to pronounce _yeux_ youks or yeks and Colly
doesn’t dare pronounce it and says he ought to know. Then Lambert says
“I’ve forgotten Sir I really don’t know how to.”
Yesterday in school we lit some patent pills which you burn and a snake
comes out. Colly who is awfully blind asked what I was doing. I just
had time to put it in my desk and said I had dropped my pen. Only one
bung and he believed it! On Valentine’s Day we sent Colly some sweets
with biter alows inside them the stuff Mac puts on Watson’s fingers
when he bites his nails and he eat them.
Last week the Choir expedition came off. They went to Reding to see
the biskits made and then to Bath. If I was staying on next term I
should be in the Eleven and get my flanels.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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