He made no reply. So, owing to him there was fixed enmity between Fanny
and Elizabeth! His mood of depression deepened, and he went to his
room. He picked a book from the shelves at random and opened it—De
Quincey’s “Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts.” He had entirely
forgotten the existence of that piece of macabre irony, and gazed
stupidly at the large-type title. Murder Considered as One of the Fine
Arts. How damned appropriate. He put it down and began to look over
his painting materials. Elizabeth had taken his sketching blocks and
paper and all his unused canvases except one. The tubes of paint had
gone hard and dry, and his palette was covered with shrunken hard blobs
of paint just as he had left it fifteen months before. He carefully
cleaned it, as if he might be sent before his Company officer under the
charge of having a dirty palette.
He turned up some of his old sketches and looked through them. Could
it be that he had composed them? They were undoubtedly signed “G.
Winterbourne.” He looked at them critically, and then slowly tore them
up, threw them in the empty fire-grate, struck a match and set fire
to them. He watched the paper curl up under the creeping flame, glow
dull red, and shrink to black fragile ash. Numbers of his canvases were
stacked in little neat piles against the wall. He ran through them
rapidly, letting them fall back into place as if they had been cards.
He paused when he came upon a forgotten portrait of himself. Had he
painted that? Yes, it was signed with his name. Now, when and where had
he done it? He held the small canvas in his hands, gazing intently at
it with a prodigious effort of memory, but simply could not remember
anything about it. The picture was undated, and he could not even
remember in which year he had done it. He deliberately put his foot
through it, tore away the strips of canvas from the frame and burned
them. It was the only portrait of him in existence, since he had always
refused to be photographed.
In the line they had been forbidden to keep diaries or to make
sketches, since either might be of use to the enemy if they got
possession of them. He shut his eyes. In a flash he saw vividly the
ruined village, the road leading to M——, the broken desecrated
ground, the long slag-hill, and heard the “claaang” of the heavies
dropping reverberantly into M——. He went to Elizabeth’s room to get
a sheet of paper and a soft pencil to make a sketch of the scene. She
had gone out. As he rummaged at her table, he turned over and could
not help seeing the first lines of a letter in a handwriting unknown
to him. The date was that of the day on which he had returned to
England, and the words he could not help seeing were: “Darling, What a
bore, as you say! Never mind, the visitation can’t last long and....”
Winterbourne hastily covered the letter up to avoid reading any more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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