England -- Fiction; Socialism -- Fiction; Socialists -- Fiction
Adela had long known this retreat, and had been accustomed to sit here
with Letty, especially when she needed to exchange deep confidences with
her friend. Once, just as they were settling themselves upon the bank,
they were startled by a movement among the leaves above, followed by the
voice of someone addressing them with cheerful friendliness, and making
request to be allowed to descend and join them. It was Hubert Eldon,
just home for the long vacation. Once or twice subsequently the girls
had met Hubert on the same spot; there had been a picnic here, too, in
which Mrs. Eldon and Mrs. Waltham took part. But Adela always thought
of the place as peculiarly her own. To others it was only a delightfully
secluded corner of the wood, fresh and green; for her it had something
intimately dear, as the haunt where she had first met her own self face
to face and had heard the whispering of secrets as if by another voice
to her tremulous heart.
She sat here one morning in July, six months after her marriage. It was
more than a year since she had seen the spot, and on reaching it to-day
it seemed to her less beautiful than formerly; the leafage was to her
eyes thinner and less warm of hue than in earlier years, the grass had
a coarser look and did not clothe the soil so completely. An impulse
had brought her hither, and her first sense on arriving had been one of
disappointment. Was the change in her way of seeing? or had the
retreat indeed suffered, perchance from the smoke of New Wanley? The
disappointment was like that we experience in revisiting a place kept
only in memory since childhood. Adela had not travelled much in the past
year, but her growth in experience had put great tracts between her and
the days when she came here to listen and wonder. It was indeed a memory
of her childhood that led her into the wood.
She had brought with her a German book on Socialism and a little German
dictionary. At the advice of Mr. Westlake, given some months ago on the
occasion of a visit to the Manor, she had applied herself diligently to
this study. But it was not only with a view to using the time that she
had selected these books this morning. In visiting a scene which would
strongly revive the past, instinct--rather than conscious purpose--had
bidden her keep firm hold upon the present. On experiencing her
disillusion a sense of trouble had almost led her to retrace her steps
at once, but she overcame this, and, seating herself on the
familiar bank, began to toil through hard sentences. Such moments of
self-discipline were of daily occurrence in her life; she kept watch and
ward over her feelings and found in efforts of the mind a short way out
of inner conflicts which she durst not suffer to pass beyond the first
stage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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