"In your offer of money I recognise your ancient good feeling
toward me and I thank you with all my heart. But there is
one phrase, though you use it in jest, that stings me to the
soul:--'if you would beg humbly.' Perhaps you mean, and very
properly, that to bear my lot with such impatience comes wholly
from human pride, for, indeed, a gentle and Christian spirit
makes the best of everything. Still more, however, I marvel how
you put together humility and shamelessness: for you say, 'if
you would beg humbly and make your demand shamelessly.' If,
according to common usage, you mean by humility the opposite of
arrogance, how are impudence and modesty to be put together? But
if by 'humbly' you mean 'servilely' and 'abjectly' you differ
very much from Seneca, my dear Colet, who thinks that nothing
comes higher than what is bought with prayers, and that he does
a far from friendly service who demands of his friend that lowly
word, 'I beg you.' Socrates once said, conversing with some
friends:--'I should have bought me a cloak to-day if I had had
the money,' and Seneca says:--'he gave too late who gave after
those words.' ...
"But now, I pray you, what could be more shameless than I,
who have been a public beggar all this time in England? From
the archbishop I have had so much that it would be more than
infamous to take any more, even if he should offer it. From N.
I have begged boldly enough, but as I asked without shame so
has he without shame repulsed me. Why now I seem too shameless
even to my dear Linacre, who, when he saw me going away from
London with barely six angels in my pocket, and knew how feeble
my health was, and that winter was coming on, yet eagerly warned
me to spare the archbishop, to spare Mountjoy! But I will rather
pull myself together and learn to bear my poverty bravely. Oh!
that was a friendly counsel! This is why I especially loathe my
fate, that it does not permit me to be a modest man. As long
as my strength would carry me, it was a pleasure to hide my
need--now I cannot do that unless I choose to neglect my life.
And still I am not yet so lost to shame that I ask all things
of everyone. From others I ask not, lest I get a refusal, but
from you with what face, pray, can I ask? Especially since you
yourself have none too much of this kind of goods. Yet, if it is
boldness you like, I will end my letter with the very boldest
clause I can. I cannot so put aside all shame as to beg of you
with no excuse,--but I am not so proud as to refuse a gift, if
such a friend as you should give it me willingly, especially in
the present state of my affairs."
[Illustration: CARDINAL XIMENES.
FROM A PORTRAIT BY O. E. WAGSTAFF, IN THE FLORENCE GALLERY.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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