_Apicius_.--Keep your pity for yourself. How many good dishes have I feasted upon in Rome which England does not produce, or of which the knowledge has been lost, with other treasures of antiquity, in these degenerate days! The fat paps of a sow, the livers of scari, the brains of phoenicopters, and the tripotanum, which consisted of three excellent sorts of fish, for which you English have no names, the lupus marinus, the myxo, and the muraena. _Darteneuf_.--I thought the muraena had been our lamprey. We have delicate ones in the Severn. _Apicius_.--No; the muraena, so respected by the ancient Roman senators, was a salt-water fish, and kept by our nobles in ponds, into which the sea was admitted. _Darteneuf_.--Why, then, I dare say our Severn lampreys are better. Did you ever eat any of them stewed or potted? _Apicius_.--I was never in Britain. Your country then was too barbarous for me to go thither. I should have been afraid that the Britons would have eaten me. _Darteneuf_.--I am sorry for you, very sorry; for if you never were in Britain you never ate the best oysters. _Apicius_.--Pardon me, sir, your Sandwich oysters were brought to Rome in my time. _Darteneuf_.--They could not be fresh; they were good for nothing there. You should have come to Sandwich to eat them. It is a shame for you that you did not. An epicure talk of danger when he is in search of a dainty! Did not Leander swim over the Hellespont in a tempest to get to his mistress? And what is a wench to a barrel of exquisite oysters? _Apicius_.--Nay; I am sure you can't blame me for any want of alertness in seeking fine fishes. I sailed to the coast of Africa, from Minturnae in Campania, only to taste of one species, which I heard was larger there than it was on our coast; and finding that I had received a false information, I returned immediately, without even deigning to land. _Darteneuf_.--There was some sense in that. But why did not you also make a voyage to Sandwich? Had you once tasted those oysters in their highest perfection, you would never have come back; you would have eaten till you burst. _Apicius_.--I wish I had. It would have been better than poisoning myself, as I did at Rome, because I found, upon the balance of my accounts, I had only the pitiful sum of fourscore thousand pounds left, which would not afford me a table to keep me from starving. _Darteneuf_.--A sum of fourscore thousand pounds not keep you from starving! Would I had had it! I should have been twenty years in spending it, with the best table in London. _Apicius_.--Alas, poor man! This shows that you English have no idea of the luxury that reigned in our tables. Before I died I had spent in my kitchen 807,291 pounds 13s. 4d. _Darteneuf_.--I don't believe a word of it. There is certainly an error in the account.