British -- Italy -- Fiction; Rich people -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
blank to him, without meaning or grace--but he had faced the blank,
mournfully yet manfully, knowing that nothing better could be.
Now, however, after he had been led to deceive himself, had been forced
into it, after such resistance as he was capable of making to an
apparent joy which was the crown of all possible and impossible wishes,
now!---- The bitterness, the keen sting of disappointment, the
resentment with himself for ever having consented to this delusion, all
mingled with and intensified the insupportable pang that tore him
asunder, the sense that it was all illusion, that no one save himself in
his folly had ever thought of Diana as his object: that she had known
nothing of his love, and had not even given him the hearing, the
consideration, which were implied in a refusal. This it was that wounded
him most wildly, driving him almost mad with its sting. Had she refused
to listen to his suit, yet she would have known it at least, would have
been aware that he loved her, obliged to carry the knowledge of that
fact along with her wherever she went; and, being courteous and sweet,
and full of tenderness for others, Pandolfini knew that in that case she
would have given him many a compassionate and gentle thought. But even
of this he was robbed, for she did not know. The very possibility of a
hearing, the suggestion, had never been his. Diana knew nothing of his
heart, had never thought of him at all, would never think of him more.
Could it be possible that any man had ever had such a wrong done him? To
be buoyed up with hopes which were dashed by a refusal, ah, that might
have been hard to bear! but how much harder to know that these hopes had
never existed, that they were delusion and mistake and nothing more!
There was a stifled rage and mortification in his misery, rage with
himself for ever having believed it, mortification beyond words at the
depth of vanity and folly in himself which was thus revealed to him.
Poor Pandolfini! it had not been vanity: but this was how in his misery
it appeared to him. Fool! to think that Diana, _Diana!_ could waste any
thought upon such as he!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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