Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 2 of 3)Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
General
Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 2 of 3)
Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
Fiction
Alfred sometimes thought that possibly he ought so far to conquer his
scruples as to write to his mother, and communicate to her, in strict
confidence, his apprehensions respecting the state of Willoughby's mind:
but he might recover after a short period of quiet, and then his mother
might be spared the pang: and he could not, as he had before decided,
even within the bosom of his own family,--he could not, be the
consequence what it might, bring himself to be the first to suggest such
a thought. His mother, of course, would not suspect him of a base desire
to grasp at his brother's birth-right, and of a consequent
quicksightedness in discerning the approaches of this frightful
visitation; but there were those who might so misjudge him. It was,
however, he thought, at least his duty to prepare his mother's mind in
some degree for whatever might be the result, by saying, that he did not
think Willoughby quite well: this, therefore, he did in one or two of
his letters. Yet Willoughby himself made no complaint; and to servants
and occasional visiters appeared to be in particularly good health and
spirits. We remark this now because the comment subsequently becomes
important.
After a few days, however, Willoughby, like one who had run at full
speed as long as his strength would permit, flagged; his efforts were
first less sustained, then his gaiety became confined to wild bursts of
noisy mirth, while at length whole hours, with a seeming unconsciousness
of the lapse of time, were passed in gloomy abstraction. The bursts of
seeming mirth, however, were always assumed when servants or strangers
were present; the gloom and abstraction given way to only when alone
with his brother.
Willoughby had always felt, and often expressed, great horror of persons
being opened after death: to this subject he now recurred with a
frequency, and clung to it with a pertinacity quite extraordinary;
adding the most solemn injunctions to Alfred to be the protector of his
remains whenever he should die.
"You will then be master here," he would say; "every thing will then be
yours; my very body I bequeath to you--I make it your property: do not,
Alfred, I conjure you, suffer the defenceless corse of your poor brother
to be mangled. It would be hard indeed," he would sometimes subjoin,
with a wild ironical laugh, "if a man could not find rest even in the
grave."
On occasions like these Alfred would sit beside him, and endeavour to
sooth him by every kind and rational argument he could devise; not
unfrequently Willoughby would appear entirely deaf to all that could be
urged; while at other times, he would take Alfred's hand, thank him with
gentle kindliness of manner, and hope that he might yet be as truly
happy as he deserved to be; joining with this latter expression an
earnest and expressive solemnity which almost seemed a blending of
prophecy with the prayer of affection. He often talked of having a
foreboding that he should die young.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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