Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
'And now I think I see you raise your indignant head; and, with the
lofty scorn of baseness which I have so often seen expressed in
your countenance and mien, I hear you exclaim, "Shall I desert my
earliest friend!--repay with cold ingratitude her long-tried,
ardent attachment?" Your indignation, Ellen, is virtuous, but
mistaken. If Miss Arnold's attachment be real, she has a claim to
your gratitude, indeed; but not to your intimacy, your confidence,
your imitation. These are due to far other qualifications. But are
you sure, Ellen, that the warm return you make to Miss Arnold's
supposed affection is itself entirely real? Are you sure, that it
is not rather the form under which you choose to conceal from
yourself, that her adulation is become necessary to you? Before you
indignantly repel this charge, ask your own heart, whether you are,
in every instance, thus grateful for disinterested love? Is there
not a friend of whose love you are regardless?--whose counsels you
neglect?--whose presence you shun?--from whom you withhold your
trust, though the highest confidence were here the highest
wisdom?--whom you refuse to imitate, though here the most imperfect
imitation were glorious? You exchange your affection, and all the
influence which your affection bestows, for a mere shadow of
good-will. The very dog that fawns upon you, is caressed with
childish fondness. Oh, Ellen, does it never strike you with strong
amazement to reflect, that you are sensible to every love but that
which is boundless? grateful for every kindness but that which is
wholly undeserved--wholly beyond return? Is nothing due to an
unwearied friend? Is it fitting, that one who lives, who enjoys so
much to sweeten life, by the providence, the bounty, the
forbearance of a benefactor, should live to herself alone? Yet ask
your own conscience, what part of your plan of life, or rather,
since I believe your life is without a plan, which of your habits
is inspired by gratitude. Dare to be candid with yourself, and
though the odious word will grate upon your ear, enquire whether
selfishness be not rather your chosen guide;--whether you be not
selfish in your pursuit of pleasure;--selfish in your fondness for
the flatterer who soothes your vanity,--selfish in the profuse
liberality with which you vainly hope to purchase an affection
which it is not in her nature to bestow,--selfish even in the
relief which you indiscriminately lavish on every complainer whose
cry disturbs you on your bed of roses. Is this the temper of a
Christian--of one "who is not her own, but is bought with a price?"
Consider this awful price, and how will your own conduct change in
your estimation? How will you start as from a fearful dream, when
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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