Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
But as the paroxysm of sorrow subsided, I again became sensible to this
unkind delay. My billet had now been so long despatched without
obtaining a reply even of cold civility, that I began to doubt the
faithfulness of my messenger, I refused to believe that my note had ever
reached Miss Arnold; and I endeavoured to shut my eyes against the
indifference which even in that case was implied in her leaving me so
long to solitary affliction. I was going once more to summon the bearer
of my melancholy billet, that I might renew my enquiries in regard to
its delivery, when the long expected answer was at length brought to me.
I impatiently tore it open, anxious to learn what strong necessity had
compelled my friend to substitute for her own presence this colder form
of welcome. No welcome, even of the coldest form, was there. With many
expressions of condolence, and some even of affection, she informed me
of her sorrow 'that she could not receive my visit. I must be aware,'
she said, 'that one whose good name was her only dowry should guard the
frail treasure with double care. Grieved as she was to wound me, she was
obliged to say, that the publicity of my elopement appeared to her
brother an insuperable bar to the continuance of our intimacy.
Resistance to his will,' she said, 'was impossible, even if that will
had been less reasonable than, with grief, she confessed it to be. But
though she must withhold all outward demonstrations of regard, she would
ever remain my grateful and obedient servant.'
I sat motionless as the dead, whilst I deciphered these inhuman words.
The icebolt had struck me to the heart. For a time I was stunned by the
blow, and a dull stupor overpowered all recollection. Then, suddenly the
anguish of abused affection,--the iron fangs of ingratitude,--entered
into my soul; and all that grief, and all that indignation can inflict,
burst in bitterness upon the wounded spirit. I gazed wildly on the cruel
billet, while, twisting it in the grasp of agony, I wrenched it to atoms;
then, raising to heaven an eye of blasphemy, I dared to insult the Father
of Mercies with a cry for vengeance.
But the transport of passion quickly subsided into despair. I threw
myself upon the ground; longing that the earth would open and shelter me
from the baseness of mankind. I closed my eyes, and wished in bitterness
of soul that it were for ever. Sometimes, as memory recalled some kinder
endearment of my ill-requited affection, I would start as beneath the
sudden stab of murder; then bow again my miserable head, and remain in
the stillness of the grave.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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