Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
To be thus forcibly expelled from the home, where, till now, I could
command; to be offered as an alms a pittance from funds which I had
considered as my hereditary right; to be driven forth to the cold world
with all my wounds yet bleeding, stung me as instances of severe
injustice and oppression. My spirit, sore with recent injury, writhed
under the rude touch. Already goaded almost to frenzy, I told the
stranger, that 'had I recollected the rights of his employers, I would
not have owed the shelter even of a single night to those whose
barbarous exactions had destroyed my father; nor would I ever be
indebted to their charity, so long as the humanity of the laws would
bestow a little earth to cover me.'
I pulled the bell violently, and gave orders that a hackney-coach should
be procured for me. It came almost immediately; and, without uttering
another word,--without raising my eyes,--without one expression of
feeling, except the convulsive shudderings of my frame, and the cold
drops that stood upon my forehead, I passed the apartment where my
father perished,--the spot where my mother poured upon me her last
blessing,--and cast myself upon the wide world without a friend or home.
I ordered the carriage to an obscure street in the city; a narrow, dark,
and airless lane. I had once in my life been obliged to pass through
it, and it had impressed my mind as a scene of all that is dismal in
poverty and confinement. This very impression made me now choose it for
my abode; and I felt a strange and dreary satisfaction in adding this
consummation to the horrors of my fate. As the carriage proceeded, I
became sensible to the extreme disorder of my frame. Noise and motion
were torture to nerves already in the highest state of irritation. Fever
throbbed in every vein, and red flashes of light seemed to glare before
my heavy eyes. A hope stole upon my mind that all was near a close. I
felt a gloomy satisfaction in the thought, that surely my death would
reach the heart of my false friend; that surely when she knew that I had
found refuge in the grave from calumny and unkindness, she would wish
that she had spared me the deadly pang; and would lament that she had
doubled the burden which weighed me to the earth.
When the carriage reached the place of its destination, the coachman
again applied to me for instructions; and I directed him to stop at any
house where lodgings could be obtained. After several ineffectual
enquiries, he drew up to the door of a miserable shop, where he was told
that a single room was to be hired. 'Would you please to look into my
little place yourself, madam?' said a decent-looking woman, who advanced
to meet me. 'It is clean, though it be small, and I should be very happy
that it would suit.'
'Any thing will suit me,' answered I.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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