Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
From the supineness of sickness and despair, I was at last forced to
momentary exertion. My landlady renewed her entreaties that I would send
for my friends; enforcing her request by informing me that my little
fund was nearly exhausted. Disturbed with her importunity, and careless
of providing against difficulties from which I expected soon to escape,
I commanded her to desist. But my commands were no longer indisputable.
The woman probably fearing, from the continuance of my disorder, that my
death might soon involve her in trouble and expense, persisted in her
importunity. Finding me obstinately determined to persevere in
concealment, she proceeded to hint not obscurely, that it would be
necessary to consider of some means of supply, or to provide myself with
another abode. Only a few days were past since an insinuation like this
would have driven me indignant from a palace; but now the depression of
sickness was added to that of sorrow, and I only answered, that when I
could no longer repay her trouble, I would release her from it.
Dissatisfied, however, with an assurance which she foresaw that I might
be unable to fulfil, the widow proceeded to enquire whether I retained
any properly which could be converted into money; and mentioned a ring
which she observed me to wear. Dead as I was to all earthly affection, I
firmly refused to part with this ring, for it had been my mother's. I
had drawn it a hundred times from her slender hand, and she thought it
best employed as a toy for her little Ellen, while yet its quickly
shifting rays made its only value to me. 'No!' said I, as the woman
urged me to dispose of it, 'this shall go with me to the grave, in
memory that one heart had human feeling towards me.' The landlady,
however, venturing a tedious remonstrance against this resolution, the
dying fire again gave a momentary flash. 'Be silent,' I cried. 'Speak to
me no more till I am penniless; then tell me so at once, and I will that
instant leave your house, though I die at the threshold!' Highly
offended by this haughty command, the woman immediately retired, leaving
me for the rest of that day in total solitude.
An evil was now ready to fall upon me, for which I was wholly unprepared
either by experience or reflection. Unaccustomed as I was to approach
the abodes of poverty, the very form of want was new to me; and since I
had myself been numbered with the poor, my thoughts had chiefly dwelt
upon my past misfortunes, or taken refuge from the anticipation of
future distress in the prospect of dissolution. But, in spite of my
wishes and my prophecies, abstinence, and the strength of my
constitution, prevailed over my disorder. My heavy eyes were this night
visited by a deep and refreshing sleep, from which I awoke not till a
mid-day sun glanced through the smoke a dull ray upon the chimney crags
that bounded my horizon.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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