Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
I believe it is a mistake to suppose that we are not liable to be angry
with those whom we despise. I know I was often so much irritated by the
petty arts of Mrs Boswell, that necessity alone detained me under her
roof. I was the more harassed by her folly; because, duty apart, I had
become extremely interested in the improvement of my young charge. The
_élève_ of such a mother was, of course, idle, sly, and self-willed; but
Jessie was a pretty, playful creature, with capacity enough to show that
talents are not hereditary, and such a strength of natural kindliness as
had outlived circumstances the most unfavourable to its culture. This
latter quality is always irresistible; and it was more particularly so
to an outcast like myself, who had no living thing to love or trust.
But for this child, indeed, Mr Boswell's house would have been to me a
perfect solitude. Mrs Boswell was utterly incapable of any thing that
deserved the name of conversation. Six pages a week of a novel, or of
the Lady's Magazine, were the utmost extent of her reading. She did
nothing; therefore we could have no fellowship of employment. She
thought nothing; therefore we could have no intercourse of mind. All
her subjects of interest were strictly selfish; therefore we could not
exchange sympathies. Either her extreme indolence, or a latent
consciousness of inferiority, made her averse to the society of her
equals in rank. Her ignorance or disregard of all established courtesies
had banished from her table every guest, except one old maiden relative,
whose circumstances obliged, and whose meanness inclined, her to grasp
at the stinted civilities of Mrs Boswell. To extort even the slightest
attention from Mr Boswell was, as I soon found, an unpardonable offence.
Thus, though once more nominally connected with my fellow-creatures, I
was, in fact, as lonely as when I first set foot upon a land where every
face was new, and every accent was strange to me.
In the many thoughtful hours I spent, what lessons did not my proud
spirit receive! All the comforts which I drew from human converse, or
human affection, I owed to a child. For my subsistence I depended upon
one of the most despicable of human beings. But my self-knowledge,
however imperfect, was now sufficient to render me satisfied with any
circumstances which tended to repress my prevailing sin; a temper from
which I even then endeavoured to forebode final, though, alas!
far-distant, victory.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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