Christian life; Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
As I lay contemplating my prison, a step approached the door; the key
grated in the lock; and a man of a severe and swarthy countenance stood
before me. He came near, and offered me some food of the coarsest kind,
from which my sickly appetite turned with disgust; but when he held a
draught of milk and water to my lips, I eagerly swallowed it, making a
faint gesture of thanks for the relief. The stern countenance relaxed a
little! 'You are better this morning,' said the man.
'I soon shall be so,' answered I, with a languid smile.
Without farther conference he was turning to depart; when, recollecting
that I should soon need other cares, and shrinking with womanly
reluctance from owing the last offices to any but a woman, I detained
him by a sign. 'I have a favour to beg of you,' said I. 'I shall not
want many.'
'Well!' said the man, lingering with a look of idle curiosity.
'When I am gone,' said I, 'will you persuade some charitable woman to do
whatever must be done for me; for I was once a gentlewoman, and have
never known indignity.'
The man promised without hesitation to grant my request. Encouraged by
my success, I proceeded. 'I have a friend, too; perhaps you would write
to him.'
'Oh yes--who is he?' said the man, looking inquisitively.
'Mr Maitland, the great West India merchant. Tell him that Ellen Percy
died here; and dying, remembered him with respect and gratitude.'
The man looked at me with a strong expression of surprise, which quickly
gave place to an incredulous smile; then turned away, saying carelessly,
'Oh, yes, I'll be sure to tell him;' and quitted the cell.
During that day, my trembling hopes, my solemn anticipations, were
interrupted only by the return of the keeper, to bring my food at stated
hours. But on the following day, I became sensible of such amendment,
that the natural love of life began to struggle with the hopes and the
fears of 'untried being.'
With the prospect of prolonged existence, however, returned those
anxieties which, in one form or another, beset every heart that turns a
thought earthward. The idea of confinement in such a place of
imprisonment, perhaps perpetual, mingled the expectations of recovery
with horror. To live only to be sensible to the death of all my
affections, of all my hopes, of all my enjoyments!--To retain a living
consciousness in that place where was no 'knowledge, nor work, nor
device.'--To look back upon a dreary blank of time, and forward to one
unvaried waste!--To pine for the fair face of nature! perhaps to live
till it was remembered but as a dream! Gracious Heaven! what strength
supported me under such thoughts of horror? Language cannot express the
fearful anxiety with which I awaited the return of the only person who
could relieve my apprehensions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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