Golf stories, English; Golfers -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
“It must have been when I killed that wasp,” said Peter, beginning to
see clearly into the matter. “You had a match-box in your pocket.”
Wallace was in no mood to stop and discuss first causes. He was
springing up and down on his pyre, beating at the flames.
“Do you know what I should do if I were you?” said Peter Willard. “I
should jump into the lake.”
One of the cardinal rules of golf is that a player shall accept no
advice from any one but his own caddie; but the warmth about his lower
limbs had now become so generous that Wallace was prepared to stretch a
point. He took three rapid strides and entered the water with a splash.
The lake, though muddy, is not deep, and presently Wallace was to be
observed standing up to his waist some few feet from the shore.
“That ought to have put it out,” said Peter Willard. “It was a bit of
luck that it happened at this hole.” He stretched out a hand to the
bather. “Catch hold, old man, and I’ll pull you out.”
“No!” said Wallace Chesney.
“Why not?”
“Never mind!” said Wallace, austerely. He bent as near to Peter as he
was able.
“Send a caddie up to the club-house to fetch my grey flannel trousers
from my locker,” he whispered, tensely.
“Oh, ah!” said Peter.
It was some little time before Wallace, encircled by a group of male
spectators, was enabled to change his costume; and during the interval
he continued to stand waist-deep in the water, to the chagrin of
various couples who came to the tee in the course of their round and
complained with not a little bitterness that his presence there added
a mental hazard to an already difficult hole. Eventually, however, he
found himself back ashore, his ball before him, his mashie in his hand.
“Carry on,” said Peter Willard, as the couple in front left the green.
“All clear now.”
Wallace Chesney addressed his ball. And, even as he did so, he was
suddenly aware that an odd psychological change had taken place in
himself. He was aware of a strange weakness. The charred remains of the
Plus Fours were lying under an adjacent bush; and, clad in the old grey
flannels of his early golfing days, Wallace felt diffident, feeble,
uncertain of himself. It was as though virtue had gone out of him,
as if some indispensable adjunct to good play had been removed. His
corrugated trouser-leg caught his eye as he waggled, and all at once he
became acutely alive to the fact that many eyes were watching him. The
audience seemed to press on him like a blanket. He felt as he had been
wont to feel in the old days when he had had to drive off the first tee
in front of a terrace-full of scoffing critics.
The next moment his ball had bounded weakly over the intervening patch
of turf and was in the water.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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