What can he say to her? By what words--save words of entreaty to her to
put again the chain about his neck and the fetters upon his limbs--can
he appease or comfort her? And sooner than utter such words, he would
fall dead at her feet.
'Wretched superstition!' she says between her teeth, still rending the
morsel of lawn in her fingers; 'how could _I_, of all people, have been
such a fool as to be conquered by it? What did it matter to the Powers
above--what did they care whether I kept or threw away the one miserable
bit of consolation I had in my hideous life? The child would have got
well all the same, while I--I--but perhaps' (her tone changing to one of
alert suspicion), 'perhaps even then you had come to an understanding,
you and she. Perhaps even then you were hoodwinking me. I was so easy to
hoodwink--I, of all people, who had always thought myself so wide
awake--ha! ha!'
Again that dreadful laugh assails his ear, and makes him shiver as if it
were December's blasts that were biting, not May's breezes kissing his
cheek.
'I never hoodwinked you!' he answers, in an agitation hardly inferior to
her own; 'it was always plain-sailing between us. I went away because
you sent me.'
'And you took me at my word?' cries she wildly. 'Yes, I know that then,
at that moment, I meant you to take me at it; but I was out of my mind.
Hundreds of people less mad than I was then are in Bedlam. You might as
well have listened to the ravings of a lunatic as to mine that day;
and--you--took--me--at--my word!'
Her speech, which in its beginning was shrill and rapid, ends almost in
a whisper.
'I thought you meant it,' he says miserably; 'before God, I thought you
meant it!'
'The wish was father to the thought,' she says, again breaking into that
laugh which jars upon him far more than would any tears or revilings;
'you believed it because you wished it. I showed you a handsome way out
of your dilemma. I played into your hands. Without knowing it--oh, I
think that you will believe it was without knowing it--I played into
your hands. Without hurting my feelings--without quite giving the lie to
all your glib vows--without any disagreeable shuffling--you were free! I
set you free! _I!_ Oh, the humour of it! I wonder how you could have
kept any decent countenance that morning! and I--I--never saw it. Oh, I
must have been blinder than any mole or bat not to have seen it, but I
did not!'
She pauses, as if suffocated; but in a moment or two has recovered
breath and composure enough to resume:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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