'_Unhappy!_' she repeats, in a voice that, if he did not with his own
eyes see the words issuing from her lips, he could never have believed
to be hers--'_unhappy!_ Are you telling me that you were unhappy all my
five years? Has she made you believe even this?' She stops, and fixes
her glittering look upon him with an expression so withering that he
involuntarily turns his away with a sensation as of one scorched. 'No!'
she continues, her voice rising, and growing in clearness as she goes
on; 'she may persuade _herself_ of that--what do I care what she
persuades _herself_ of?--but she will never really persuade you. No! no!
no!' a ring of triumph mixing with the exceeding bitterness of her
tones. 'There is one superiority that I shall always, to all eternity,
have over her; one that neither she nor you, do what you will, can ever
rob me of: I shall always--always have been _first_! There is nothing
you can give her that will not be second-hand!'
He has clenched his hands in his misery till the finger-nails bite the
palms. Is not this the very reflection that has been mingling its drop
of earth's gall with the honeyed sweetness of his heaven?
'Yes!' he says, panting; 'do I deny it? I can never give any one better
love than I gave you.'
'_Gave!_' she repeats, her voice dropping again to a husky whisper, and
casting her parched eyes up to heaven, as if calling on the stilly
constellations to be witness to her great woe--'_gave_! He himself said
_gave_! And I am alive after hearing it. Oh, poor I!'
Her voice shudders away in a sigh of intense self-pity; and she
hurriedly covers her face with her hands as if to shut out the view of
her own fate, as too hideous to be looked upon with sanity; while long,
dry sobs shake her from head to foot. The sight of her anguish is more
than Talbot can bear. Two steps bring him to her side; and before he can
realise what he is doing, he has taken her two hands and drawn them
forcibly away from her face.
'Betty!'
'Well!' she says dully, leaving them in his, as if it no longer mattered
where, or in whose keeping, they lay; 'what about Betty?'
'Betty!' convulsively pressing her small, burning fingers, 'you break my
heart!'
'I wish I could!' rejoins she fiercely. 'I wish to heavens I could! But
I must leave that to _her_. Tell me about her!' changing her tone to one
of factitious temperate interest. 'She is a good soul, I am told; _bonne
comme du pain_. There is nothing so pleasant as complete change, is
there? How does she show her goodness, by the bye? Does she say her
prayers every night, and make a flannel petticoat for the poor every
day, eh?'
He attempts no answer to her gibes; only, in his intense and mistakenly
shown compassion, he still holds her hands, and looks down, with a pity
beyond speech's plummet-line to sound, into the eyes whose beauty he has
long ceased to see, but whose agony has still power to stab him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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